Adventures in Lia-Land

www.lialia.tumblr.com

2008-04-29T16:22:00.003-04:00

As Kaplan pointed out, I'm terrible about following up on blog posts. It's mostly because composing them here on blogger can be a pain in the ass. I recently discovered a new way to blog...so visit my new page at www.lialia.tumblr.com.

It's a lot faster and let's me share a lot quicker...which hopefully means I'll be better. Since there was a follow up to the worst day ever, i'll post tonight on the shenanigans...but a sneak preview is that it involves the high drama and adventure accompanied by thinking you got your friend's car stolen in queens. marinate on that for a bit.

Miley Cyrus

2008-04-28T20:08:00.001-04:00

I just read that now the Christian Coalition of America (CCA) wants Miley Cyrus to be held accountable for the semi-topless photos she just had published in Vanity Fair.

Okay, people, let's just hold on a second. Yes, Miley is 15, yes she is topless, okay, BIG HUGE DEAL, I GUESS. But the photo only shows her back. Is this really such a huge issue? Or am I really missing the point? Did anyone watch her writhing around on stage during Idol Gives Back? I found that much more sexual than this photo.

I just had the worst day ever (more on that later) so maybe my patience is a little thin, but Jesus H. Christ are we really that bored as a nation that this is national news of such epic proportions?

Recently, the New York Times broke a story about how the analysts for the government that we see on TV, the generals marching us into war, are actually PAID by the government to distribute the Bush administration's propaganda. This was picked up by a small handful of the news media, mostly the Sunday morning types. I would say this is a tad more important, don't you think? I probably should blog on this for HuffPo..but I don't have the energy. Instead, I'll complain here. But seriously...let's all really focus on the real issues of this world, shall we?

Not Something You Want to Happen to You

2008-04-22T15:00:00.001-04:00

Anyone who has ever lived in Florida or visited Florida - or hell, if you've ever just watched the Discovery Channel - knows that this had to be terrifying. Poor lady!

There's An Alligator in My Kitchen!

This is How You Blog

2008-04-14T19:16:00.002-04:00

I recently found the blogs of some of my editors/co-workers at Radar and realized how horribly my blog sucks in comparison. This, my friends, is how you manage to be snarky yet endearing, funny and relevant - all at the same time. I am resisting the urge to erase everything I've ever written on here, and instead, vow to do better. Check them out here and here.

Yeahhhh

2008-04-14T16:27:00.003-04:00

Finally, spring is here. You can go out with a light jacket at 7 p.m. and not regret that decision at 2 a.m. There's nary a hat or scarf to be found on anyone, anywhere. I actually wore flip flops to the grocery store on Sunday. Sweet delight!

With the return of the warm weather is the ability to enjoy the parts of New York that are free, read: outside. No more rushing from house to cab to warm bar. As much as I love me a cold beer in a warm bar, I'm ready to venture out a bit.

GC and I took advantage of the now-warm weather with a really fun Saturday night that involved only a pint of ice cream, two spoons and a $2 subway ride to the South pier. I highly recommend this spot for its cop and homeless people-free environment, as well as an amazing view of the Statue of Liberty in front of you and the lights of the financial district behind you. There are plenty of benches and it's just a nice place to chill out and remember that even the biggest city in the world has its little hidden corners. Guys, if you're looking to get all romantic with your lady of choice, this would be the place. Ladies, if you just feel like having an estrogen-filled moment of reflection about why you moved to New York, look no further. Just take the N/W to Whitehall Street or the 6 to Bowling Green.

On a separate note, my little fledgling communications business is doing quite nicely. I'm writing for one magazine, hopefully learning tomorrow if I get to write this summer for another, and freelancing for 3 different agencies to make ends meet. I haven't seen a paycheck in nearly 45 days, but am picking up the first tomorrow so maybe I can finally have creditors stop calling me no matter how many times I assure them that I've never been late on a bill before and am just waiting for my windfall. Yes, I'm talking to you Verizon and American Express. Sigh. I really need that multi-million dollar book advance to come in. Lately, I've looked to this look to this lady for inspiration.

I Forgot How Fun Intellectuals Can Be

2008-04-07T17:54:00.002-04:00

Saturday night I ventured out with my friend Skee and her friend C. for an art gallery opening. It's been a long time since I went to a gallery - I'm pretty sure the last time I went was a Terry Richardson photo exhibit, pre-Belevedere vodka ads (here and here) for the movie Brown Bunny, which you may only know as the movie in which Chloe Sevigny gives a real blow j. on camera. The exhibit was gross - it was comprised solely of photos of Richardson being serviced in various ways by boys, girls and tranny combinations thereof. As I watched the hipsters and downtown scenesters - some with their KIDS!- pretend like there was artistic merit in any of it, I decided once and for all that I wasn't cool enough for this crowd and gave up trying to expand my horizons, in this direction anyways. (Though, I do have to admit it feels good when Terry Richardson's name comes up in conversation and I can offer an informed opinion on his work. Full disclosure, this has only happened two times.)

In any case, Saturday night, this trauma firmly behind me, I put on a hiatus on my hiatus and ventured to Soho's Feldman Gallery to view the opening of its Alexander Brodsky exhibit. To my surprise, I actually liked it. It wasn't weird for the sake of being weird, there were cool paintings on put up on light boxes and a few installations. I won't attempt to describe anything here because a.) it wouldn't be intelligent and b.) clicking on Feldman Gallery a few words back will lead you to people who can. In any case, there was free wine and champagne (always a plus) and I got to talk to quite a few cool people, compliments of my friend Skee, a master at the art of introduction.

All that art and conversation got us fired up in the hunger department, so we headed over to Lupe's where we chowed down on Mexican food in the heart of SoHo. Between the frozen mango margarita and the awesome beef enchiladas, I'm afraid that my Mexican food obsession has alive and kicking once more - which means I'm going to be murdering a lot of avocados in the next few weeks as I try to satisfy a never-ending guacamole craving that only stops so I can eat rice and beans in some kind of combination with beef, cheese and tortillas. There's a few more weeks yet til bathing suit season right?

Anyways, thanks to Skee and C. for reminding me how fun SoHo is...I vow to go out there more. And for the reminder that not all art exhibits have to be weird or porn-tastic to be interesting.

Things That Are Never Underrated

2008-04-03T22:37:00.002-04:00

So, on Wednesday night I did something I never do - I took myself out to dinner. Nothing fancy, just a glass of red wine and an onion soup (my fave!). I had signed my very first contact for an article in a print magazine and I felt proud of myself and wanted to celebrate in a tiny way. In a crowded restaurant, I sat all by myself, eating my food and drinking my wine and I got to thinking about life's small pleasures - the ones we forget to enjoy while we worry about everything else. Here's my list of 50 Things That Are Never Underrated - literally the first 50 things that came to mind. Feel free to slap on any additions.

1.) Taking yourself out to dinner (obvs)
2.) Getting a massage
3.) Smelling saltwater air
4.) Writing down something you'd rather yell at someone to make yourself feel better
5.) Crunchy leaves under your feet
6.) Having a night of fun that was completely unplanned
7.) Sleeping in
8.) Getting/giving a hug
9.) Putting colored paint on a blank wall
10.) Getting a big, fat check
11.) Feeling like you've got the hang of something
12.) Letting go of something that has made you mad for a long time
13.) Wearing new clothes for the first time
14.) The perfect comeback (during the argument)
15.) Getting the "question" right on Jeopardy
16.) Winning a board game
17.) Cheese!
18.) Making a recipe you found and having it come out right
19.) Being really thirsty and finally getting a sip of water
20.) Just-washed sheets on your bed
21.) Keeping whites white
22.) Getting a new haircut
23.) The first sip of a cold beer
24.) Receiving real mail
25.) PJ's straight from the dryer
26.) Screaming the F-word when you're frustrated
27.) Indulging in a new obsession
28.) Bowling a strike/picking up a spare
29.) Boozy brunch
30.) Laughing uncontrollably at something ridiculous
31.) Reading a book you can't put down
32.) Falling asleep on a full stomach
33.) A cool new pair of shoes
34.) A good hair day
35.) Watching a movie that makes you think for days after
36.) Really nice hotel rooms
37.) Something made of carbs dipped in something else (chips and salsa, pita and hummus, chips and guacamole)
38.) Pizza just the way you like it
39.) The way babies smell
40.) Crying at Extreme Makeover: Home Edition
41.) Finding something you were sure was lost
42.) Sitting by a fire
43.) Hearing the song you want to hear on the radio
44.) A really good steak (or tofu, I guess, if you're a vegetarian)
45.) Making a new friend
46.) Mini anything
47.) Feeling sleep and finally laying down
48.) Realizing you wasted X hours watching your favorite guilty pleasure TV show
49.) Spending a night pleasantly buzzed, not drunk - and no hangover!
50.) Being the first to know something

Highly Uncomfy

2008-04-01T13:04:00.002-04:00

I did not watch this because I don't currently have volume but if it sounds like it looks, it's probably pretty bad.

Jay Leno Continues Downward Spiral

Thank You iPod

2008-03-31T20:03:00.003-04:00

Living alone does have its perks, namely in that I can drag my Bose speaker into my bathroom and sing at the top of my lungs in the shower without fear of ridicule - at least not from roommates, my neighbors probably I have their thoughts. But I hardly see them so I don't let that get in the way. Sometimes though, I have to admit, I think I sound pretty good.

Anyway, I've been battling with my emotions pretty good the last week or so. I have officially started doing freelance PR and writing, and though everything is going great it's been extremely stressful trying to think ahead, manage my money and keep motivated. The mental exhaustion has been tough to deal with but there is finally a light at the end of the tunnel. I found a three-month sublet for my place, I've lined up work through the end of April and I had a good month writing and learning the tricks of the trade.

Saturday night it all kind of caught up to me though, no thanks to three bud lights, a Red bull and a slice of pizza that I spilled cayenne pepper flakes all over. I put on a brave face, but it carried through Sunday when I got some shocking news (to be revealed later) and I spent most of Sunday lying in GC's bed, alternately sleeping, crying, being on the phone and watching him do his taxes until I was finally tempted out of the room with spaghetti and the third installment of John Adams. If I've said it once, I've said it a million times, I've been blessed to find an amazing boyfriend who gives me a hug when I'm sad and knows that the way to make me feel better is with food and entertainment. Thank god for you, GC. :)

In any case, this morning I trudged back home in the rain feeling a bit down, but the walk did me good. When I got home, I found a story I had written had been posted and I didn't know it (good for another $150 on my invoice) and that helped turn my mood around a bit and then I worked and felt a bit better. However, I got in the shower and turned on my iPod and the first three songs of the shuffle just seemed to speak to every emotion I've had the last few days and helped me feel a bit normal again.

The first was "Not Ready to Make Nice" by the Dixie Chicks. I've listened to this song hundreds of times, but when I listened to it today I walked away with something a bit different. Normally, I've applied the words to the world around me - having no regrets, going full-force into city life, etc. - but today I applied the words to myself. I'm not ready to back down against what I want out of my life. I'm disciplined enough to do what I've set out to this time and if I just keep working hard - facing rejection letters, putting out clips teeny bits at a time, I'll get there and I'll have done it my way. When all is said and done, I know that will be a good feeling. I just have to keep at it.

The second was "Working 9 to 5" by Dolly Parton. Over the weekend, GC's improv group played a dance remix of the song while the theater filled and I really liked it. So I downloaded it and for the first time, I really listened to the words. It reinforced what I'm trying to do for myself, taking my life into my own hands and not working for someone who ultimately reaps the benefits of my thoughts and hard work.

Third and finally was "No One" by Alicia Keys. I hardly talk about it on here because I like to keep it a bit separate, but I felt it was appropriate since the song came up in the shuffle. It's not an exact fit to GC and my relationship and we have many other songs that we think apply to us, but the idea of knowing that there is someone in this world who cares about you, who loves you and supports you no matter what, is something I can't quantify. I'll be moving in with GC and his super amazing roommates for three months this summer, which he offered to me because he knew how much saving that money could help along my dream. Again, I'd put how much this means to me in words, but there are none that would do. The songs speaks about not letting anything get in the way of what you feel for someone, and I honestly couldn't love GC more if I tried.

On that sappy note, I'll go. Just cause, I've pasted the words to all the songs below in case anyone else feels the need for some inspiration. I'm now settling in for some Law & Order and Time Magazine (two more things that make me happy) and I'll wake up tomorrow, hopefully ready to go again.

Not Ready to Make Nice
Forgive, sounds good
Forget, I’m not sure I could
They say time heals everything
But I’m still waiting

I’m through with doubt
There’s nothing left for me to figure out
I’ve paid a price
And I’ll keep paying

I’m not ready to make nice
I’m not ready to back down
I’m still mad as hell and
I don’t have time to go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
I probably wouldn’t if I could
‘Cause I’m mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should

I know you said
Can’t you just get over it
It turned my whole world around
And I kind of like it

I made my bed and I sleep like a baby
With no regrets and I don’t mind sayin’
It’s a sad sad story when a mother will teach her
Daughter that she ought to hate a perfect stranger
And how in the world can the words that I said
Send somebody so over the edge
That they’d write me a letter
Sayin’ that I better shut up and sing
Or my life will be over

I’m not ready to make nice
I’m not ready to back down
I’m still mad as hell and
I don’t have time to go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
I probably wouldn’t if I could
‘Cause I’m mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should

I’m not ready to make nice
I’m not ready to back down
I’m still mad as hell and
I don’t have time to go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
I probably wouldn’t if I could
‘Cause I’m mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should

Forgive, sounds good
Forget, I’m not sure I could
They say time heals everything
But I’m still waiting

Workin' 9 to 5
Tumble outta bed
And stumble to the kitchen
Pour myself a cup of ambition
Yawnin, stretchin, try to come to life
Jump in the shower
And the blood starts pumpin
Out on the streets
The traffic starts jumpin
And folks like me on the job from 9 to 5

Chorus:
Workin 9 to 5
What a way to make a livin
Barely gettin by
Its all takin
And no givin
They just use your mind
And they never give you credit
Its enough to drive you
Crazy if you let it

9 to 5, for service and devotion
You would think that i
Would deserve a fair promotion
Want to move ahead
But the boss wont seem to let me in
I swear sometimes that man is out to get me
Mmmmm...

They let your dream
Just a watch em shatter
Youre just a step
On the boss mans a ladder
But you got dream hell never take away

On the same boat
With a lot of your friends
Waitin for the day
Your shipll come in
And the tides gonna turn
An its all gonna roll you away

2nd chorus:

Workin 9 to 5
What a way to make a livin
Barely gettin by
Its all takin
And no givin
They just use your mind
And you never get the credit
Its enough to drive you
Crazy if you let it

9 to 5, yeah, they got you where they want you
Theres a better life
And you think that I would daunt you
Its a rich mans game
No matter what they call it
And you spend your life
Going funny if you want it

3rd chorus:

Workin 9 to 5
What a way to make a livin
Barely gettin by
Its all takin
And no givin
They just use you mind
And they never give you credit
Its enough to drive you
Crazy if you let it

Fade:

9 to 5, yeah, they got you where they want you
Theres a better life
And you dream that I would daunt you
Its a rich mans game
No matter what they call it
And you spend your life
Going funny if you want it

No One
I just want you close
Where you can stay forever
You can be sure
That it will only get better

You and me together
Through the days and nights
I don't worry 'cause
Everything's going to be alright
People keep talking they can say what they like
But all i know is everything's going to be alright

No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I'm feeling
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you, you, you
Can get in the way of what I feel for you

When the rain is pouring down
And my heart is hurting
You will always be around
This I know for certain

You and me together
Through the days and nights
I don't worry 'cause
Everything's going to be alright
People keep talking they can say what they like
But all i know is everything's going to be alright

No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I'm feeling
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you, you, you
Can get in the way of what I feel

I know some people search the world
To find something like what we have
I know people will try try to divide something so real
So till the end of time I'm telling you there is no one

No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I'm feeling
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you

Did You Ever Notice...

2008-03-25T21:56:00.003-04:00

Did you ever notice that God has a funny way of redeeming you when you least expect it? I'm by no means a religious person - I think my friend G. says it best, I'm Catholic a la carte - but I've seen this twice now in the last couple of days and it's been a nice affirmation that what you give is equal to what you get.

First, someone close to me, who has been having a bit of a financial situation recently suddenly came into some money when they needed it most. Without going into detail - the money was quite literally, a godsend. And it was nice to actually see that sometimes unanswered prayers are unanswered for a reason. You'll get yours when it's time.

Second, my own experience. As many of you know, I've recently started working for myself as a freelance writer and PR person - a freelance communications expert if you will. It's been just about a week and I've been very busy, so far so good. However, the decision was not without its uncertainty and sleepless nights. Today I got an insulting email from someone that reinforced to me why I'm better off working for myself. Not long after, I received an incredible work opportunity that will keep me afloat and help further me along the path I'm looking to travel. It was all I could do to not respond to the insulting email with a giant you-know-what, but alas, I'm a professional and I fully believe that you won't get far in business by treating people like s***. And so with that fully in mind, I took the high road and will continue to do so. Funny how something that makes you so angry is almost immediately tempered with something that made me relieved/happy. It's almost as if God was saying - take a deep breath, you're doing just fine.

Working from home has its privelages

2008-03-18T14:49:00.003-04:00

I just heard a dog get run over and dragged down the street by a taxi. I heard the impact and the screaming and I thought someone had gotten shot. I ran to my window and the old ladies on the street were going crazy. Good times. For me...not the dog.

Tom Cruise

2008-03-14T17:13:00.001-04:00

Is so scary and maniacal! Yikes!

The Huffington Post

2008-03-13T21:40:00.000-04:00

omg! i'm on it!

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lia-lobello/ae-flashing-gene-sim_b_91458.html

And another thing!

2008-03-11T15:30:00.001-04:00

And another thing pissing meoff today the more I think about it - Silda Wall Spitzer, wife of my fallen hero, Elliott Spitzer, stood by as Elliott pretty much confessed to using a high-priced prostitute on several occasions.

I'm sorry, but NO WAY IN HELL, would I stand on a podium in show of support for my husband if he was just caught having sex with another woman. That bastard could stand up there all alone and let the empty space to his right do the talking.

Why do these wives always stand up there? Let that penis-driven a-hole suffer his humiliation alone! Stand up for ladies, ladies!!!

Disgusting

2008-03-11T13:28:00.002-04:00

I have been repulsed that VH1 has been promoting Gene Simmons' reality show by touting the number of women he has slept with. Today, a study was released that says 1 in 4 teenage girls has an STD, and last time I checked, we still haven't cured AIDS. Why then, would a national cable network be so irresponsible as to basically promote promiscuity? It's reprehensible and they should be ashamed they've stooped so low.

And we wonder why young girls dress and women feel the need to dress like prostitutes and flash their vaginas to get a magazine to write about them.

What is wrong with our culture?

Celeb Spotting

2008-03-04T12:39:00.002-05:00

On a happier note than yesterday - I saw Peter Sarsgaard walking in Soho this morning. Yeah!

Here We Go Again...

2008-03-03T22:17:00.003-05:00

To start, a summary of my life, to this point.

I was born, went to college and graduated. Got my first job, at age 23, in South Florida. Hated the job, hated the people, left job when bosses found out I was looking for new jobs - decided to move to New York.

Moved to New York. Turned 24. Got new job. At first, loved the job, loved the people. Over time, hated the job. Stayed 2 years, decided to move back to Florida.

Age 25. Decided not to move back to Florida. Did not work for 6 months. Spent $9,000. Turned 26. (Lest you judge, only a portion of this went to alcohol. A good amount went to coffee. The rest went to regular bills.) Did some freelancing, but decided I needed to go back to work to pay off my credit card debt. Instantly hated job.

Today - now 27, horrifically in debt from a combination of student loans and credit card bills. A rough estimate is somewhere in the neighborhood of $32,000. I intern for a magazine - which I love and today, quit a job that I hate.

The problem? I now need to temp and work part-time and pray that it's enough to pay my rent, eat, pay my bills and get this debt down. I want to write a book. I want to write full time for a magazine.

The problem? I'm now 27 years old! Everyone around me is getting engaged or married or buying houses. Taking vacations to locales I only dream about. Making six figures. And not that I need those things, yet, but I'm completely confused on how everyone seems to be doing all this. Is it at the cost of their day to day happiness? Is this is what life is outside of New York? How do I get my slice of the pie? How do I do without losing my sanity? My work/life balance? My sense of self?

Over the past five years, I've had bosses who've tried to "break me," to insult me into thinking I wasn't good enough to leave, who have asked "Isn't that retarded?" in response to a strategy I've proposed, who have told me the way I scratch my nose "is disgusting." (The consensus is that the way I scratch my nose, is indeed, "cute." I don't want to work for people anymore. I've been so beat down and abused by the crazy bosses I've had, that I feel like I am done. How then, do I make my place in the world without sacrificing myself? I don't want to have to walk into a workplace every day and feel the need to defend myself, if need be. To be on alert for the possible insult sent my way and be ready with a snappy response to put someone in their place. I'm not capable of it - because I don't want to be.

So, in two weeks, I am once again jobless, after suffering yet another debilitating go in an industry that I am now completely finished with. I just can't take it anymore. But the question is - where do I go from here? With magazines cutting staff faster than ever, can I make my way in this new world? I'm going to try - but what if I fail? What then? I feel like, before I know it, I'll be 30, in a debt I will be paying until I'm 60, with nothing to show for all the time, effort and sleepless nights I've spent.

Maybe this is some thing everyone deals with and suffers with silently. Does it have to be? Have I done something wrong in winding up in these professional situations? Maybe, maybe not. Either way, I'm not sure I care. If every choice you make leads you to where you're supposed to be - my question is, where the hell am I going?

My First Article!

2008-02-27T20:14:00.002-05:00

So...after two weeks of scouring Manhattan strip clubs, talking to bouncers, finding general managers, asking permission to speak to dancers, waiting at the bar, hanging out in the locker rooms...my first article is published at last:

http://radaronline.com/features/2008/02/diablo_cody_strippers_with_artistic_aspirations_01.php

Pulitzer Prize soon, ya'll!

Published Next Thursday!

2008-02-22T19:16:00.003-05:00

My very first story will be published on RadarOnline.com next Thursday! Look for it biotches! Yeah!

AI: Results, Week 1

2008-02-21T21:28:00.003-05:00

First of all, thank God for DVR so I can fast-forward through all of the boring and super-corny song-and-dance routine they make everyone do.

With that said, I think the best part of the whole show was when Garrett was cut and you saw Jason mouth "just like that, huh?" Yes, just like that. If only we could have it be a half hour.

Poor Kristy Lee Cook - deemed safe - was also unfortunately outfitted in pleather and white hooker boots. Poor thing. To drag her in front of America looking like that - and then subject us to her and another possible, unfortunate outfit choice again. Actually, I absolutely hated the way all the girls were dressed tonight, they all looked horrible.

I think the right people went home and I think the girls are much better than the boys.

I found it a tad ironic that American Idol would air Paula and Randy's new song, since Paula is clearly singing through a synthesizer and old girl looked mad stiff in her dance moves. But I liked the song a lot. I'll be jamming out to it fo' sho'.

And goodness that little Danny Noriega is so pretty. I love him!

But by far, the best moment of the night was Simon telling just-cut Colton that he'd never make it music and to get a good job. HAHAHAHAHA.

American Idol: Season 7

2008-02-19T21:26:00.003-05:00

So as much as I can, I'll try to do the real time thoughts on American Idol. Note for first time readers, I have absolutely no entertainment background, I just like to be thoroughly entertained...at all times.

Here goes! Week 1, Boys:

David Hernandez - Nice voice, little stiff. I would NEVER want to go first during the live performances, so you kind of have to feel for the kid. Then again, you think about so many of the people that have come before him who just knock it out of the park on the first time out, and he defintely didn't do that. I think he's forgettable. Sorry David.

Chikieze - First of all, I am automatically slightly wary of anyone who chooses to go by one name right off the bat. Mandisa, anyone? However, I think he did well. He took a well-known song and made it a bit different. I still don't kind of get how people thing that after 7 years starting slow and building to something is going to be an audience clincher, rather than just trying to knock our socks off from the beginning. He looks a little lounge singer-ish for my taste. I don't agree with Simon completely, but I also dont think "Jacuzzi" should have talked back either. Take your criticism at this stage - doesn't anyone watch and strategize? God!

David Cook - I loved him in the auditions and I think that he didn't get enough camera time following. So I'm excited to see what he does right now...(3 minutes later). Not loving the song choice. Appreciate it. Don't love it. I think he missed his major notes? Sometimes it's hard to tell on TV. Overall, ehhhhhhhhhh. I'm surprised the judges liked this. At least he seems nice. And he's cute so I'm guessing the rocker chicks will dig it.

Jason Yaeger - I can't wait until the stylists get rid of those blonde tips. Those must go. Like...now. Sigh - he chooses Moon River. And he's like real corny with his smiles and points. I kind of want to ask, do you hear Moon River playing on ANYTHING else besides an adult contemporary station that runs the Delilah show? That was kind of the song you dedicate to your loved one across the country who "you're missing tonight." Picture that, in the Delilah voice.

Robby Carrico - I think he was in that boy/girl group that covered ABBA songs. Right? I'm almost positive. But I can't remember who they are. And I think he's got the right idea - even though it's 60s, it doesn't have to sound dated. You can tell he's comfortable on the stage. And if I liked rocker guys - then he's TOTALLY hot. But I don't. I liked him a lot. I agree with Simon - this was the only performance thus far that could be considered current.

David Archuleta - First of all, I love this kid. I want to adopt him as my son and raise him to adulthood. I want him to do good. I think he gets it - he chooses a snappy song, something that let's him have a little fun. I think he's better than some of the guys that are more than a decade older than him with children just younger than he is, even if he did look a little nervous. But he's like 17! He'll be through and I will live to possibly adopt him another day. Omg he's so cute, I just want to eat him with a spoon.

Danny Noriega - He's got such a masculine voice for someone so effiminate and if he dated Christian from Project Runway and had a fierce-ness off, I'm not sure Christian would win. And Christian is super fierce. I liked him. I think you have to give it up to everyone who comes out tonight and is just themself and has a good time with it. I liked it. It was fun and I didn't find myself bored with it like I did with other peeps. And he sassed Simon in a good way, while being humble. Plus, he's real pretty.

(aside - Paula and Simon arguing. Ughhhh! I hate these arguments. Sooo annoying and its why I love DVR.)

Luke Menard - Hey, it's Orlando Bloom/Luke Perry on American Idol! Yeah! He looks like the lovechild of both. If he came here to win American Idol, then he picked a song that was mad boring. I'm already playing Scramble. Omg, I think that was the single most boring thing I have ever heard. And his wife's chin just jabbed me in the eye from the TV. And I am sitting back like 10 feet from the TV.

(PS- can you tell my bloody mary just kicked in? Also, why is Paula's voice so shaky? She sounds like she's on the verge of tears.)

Colton Berry - Numero uno - you do not look like Ellen DeGeneres from ANY angle. Sorry. I really like his choice of song but I don't think he's doing anything especially fun with it, and he could. He's not completely boring though. He's wearing bright blue pants as well, I am not sure how I feel about that. Um, he was okay.

(I'm waiting for someone to come out and really just do something awesome here. David has been the best by far. I als dont feel like listening to the judges argue anymore, so I'm fast forwarding once Simon finishes his initial thought.)

Garrett Haley - For the first verse, I was like okay Neil Sedaka, yeah! This will get really rolling in a second. But....he never quite got there. There are so many amazing things you could have done with this song, and he didn't. Ugh. Where are the power notes? The big finishes? Ugh. And Randy just totally said everything I just wrote. I could totally be a judge on AI.

Jason Castro - Here's another one who hasn't gotten a ton of facetime, so I'm curious what he's going to do. He's obviously got a unique look, he's also real pretty. First, props for bringing out the guitar. Great choice of song as well. He may have lost it a bit at the end, but for someone who has only sang in public a few times, I think it was okay. And he looks really humble and surprised at his talent...and I like that.

Michael Johns - Good choice for his voice. And he's fun to watch. I love how the stylists gave him a scarf instead of a tie. So very Australian of him. It's amazing that his 2 minutes went so fast and some others creep by endlessly. He was really good and obviously a semi-professional. Hearts all around!!!

That's it. This is exhausting. Looking forward to the girls tomorrow.

BlackBerry Glitch Results in 100,000,000 Heart Attacks

2008-02-15T17:22:00.002-05:00

Black(Berry) Monday

Last Monday’s BlackBerry outage was blamed for more then 100,000,000 heart attacks – of which 99,999,999 million were workaholics in desperate need of a life outside of work.

The remaining victim was an old woman who suffered a heart attack when a Wall Street investment banker yelled in her face on Chambers Street because he had not been able to check the Dow Jones Stock index for 30 seconds.

Dr. Ken Burns of the American Heart Foundation, released the following statement regarding the fragile state of American heart health when workers had to go more then several hours without checking their e-mail and sports scores. “I think the world would have been better without these douches, but c’est la vie.”

The BlackBerry outage was blamed on a system upgrade that parent company, Research in Motion, said resulted in a system-wide glitch.

Research in Motion spokeswoman Tanya Smith said, “We will now conduct all system upgrades between the hours of 1 a.m. and 2 a.m., which, according to our research, is when our primary user base is doing bumps of cocaine to reach their required number of billable hours. This should help rectify the situation in the future.”

My First Time

2008-02-15T15:21:00.002-05:00

I just submitted my first rough draft for a story to an editor. I am really happy with how it's coming out so far and am looking forward to feedback! I'm also continuing with interviews for it throughout tonight before embarking on a well-deserved party weekend.

Oh yeah, my story is about strippers! Yes! Hooray for me!

Jessica Biel

2008-02-04T17:43:00.000-05:00

Was named one of Vanity Fair's fresh faces for its latest "Hollywood" issue. Am I missing something here? She's been in several films, none of which did very well (with the exception, I believe, of The Illusionist, but whose weight was carried by her co-stars Hugh Jackman and Christian Bale).

If someone can explain her to me, I'd be really happy to listen. Cause I really don't get it.

Tonight!

2008-01-28T16:56:00.000-05:00

Don't forget to tune into tonight's State of the Union address, or as I like to call it, "Bullsh** Fest 2008!"

Among the many topics of discussion, I would go ahead and venture that it will entail a positive, optimistic spin on the war going nowhere, the possible recession, the sub prime mortgage mess, the weakened dollar and too many other horrible things our country is currently dealing with thanks to good old W!! Yay!

My Paranormal Experience with Paranormal State

2008-01-28T12:09:00.001-05:00

If you haven't checked out the super-creepy TV show Paranormal State on A&E, get to a DVR/Tivo near you immediately and get on it! It's a fun show, full of all types of interesting ghost stories, demon sightings, EVP experiences, etc. If you love hearing about supernatural experiences, so long they are not your own, like I do, then you'll enjoy this show.

A few weeks ago, around 11 p.m., I was in the middle of an especially scary episode, where the team was just about to go into a room where a motion detector was going off despite the fact that THERE WAS NO ONE IN THE ROOM - when my phone rang. I hit pause because I needed to devote my full energies into viewing the show and proceeded to chat away for the next hour.

During the chat, as I'm prone to do, I forgot that I was in the middle of something before I answered the phone, looked at the clock, realized it was past midnight and decided I'd go to sleep. So I prepared for bed, ending by getting out my book and reading for about 45 minutes to wind down. I realized it was getting really late and I closed the light. Then, and I don't normally do this, but for some reason I started thinking about the show as I drifted off and got a little nervous. I woke up, read for like 30 more minutes to clear my mind, and about 1:30 or 1:45 a.m. I was calmed down enough to go to sleep for real.

Just as I am about to go out, I was jolted awake by a god awful beeping/blaring noise. Within a second, I realized that the noise was coming from inside my house and I became instantly paralyzed with fear. All I could do was lay on my side, in the darkness, eyes wide open, not breathing, listening to this horrific sound that took me 3 more seconds to peg as coming from the direct center of my living room.

It all happened so fast, but around the 10 second mark, the noise clicked in my brain. It was the test from the Emergency Broadcast System. I had left the TV on pause, I never turned it off, and they must be doing whatever test that they do.

I was 99 % sure this was the noise now, but I still had to get up out of bed and make sure. I turned on the light and turned on the hallway light and noting the fact that there seemed to be no demonic spirits flying about my living room, dashed out in front of the TV to confirm.

It was indeed the Emergency Broadcast System doing whatever they do, checking whatever they check.

I'm not quite sure what I would have done had I looked at the TV and there was no test going on, but hopefully, I'll never have to think about that.

In any case, now I was wide awake, jittery and had to turn off all the lights in my apartment. And the TV. Again.

So I flicked everything off and made a dash for the bed, jumped in and pulled the covers up. I grabbed my book and began to read. It took me about another half-hour to come down, and I gathered my courage to turn off the light for Take Two of "Lia Goes to Sleep."

This time, was able to drift off and stay asleep, without incident.

At Least Someone Had a Brain

2008-01-25T15:33:00.000-05:00

I read a great story on CNN today about how a flight instructor at the Minnesota flight school where Zacarias Moussaoui was training for 9/11, received $5 million from the state department for his tip that Moussaoui was suspicious. Based on his tip, Moussaoui was put in jail on the grounds of his expired French passport and could not participate in the attacks as the 20th highjacker. To this date, he is the only 9/11 co-conspirator charged with a crime. The fact that this man had the foresight to be suspicious in a pre 9/11 world is pretty fantastic. It's money very well-deserved and I hope he enjoys it.

Among the things the instructor found suspicious, that his superiors chose to ignore:

- Moussaoui payed the $6,800 for his training in $100 bills, a fact that at first, his bosses did not question.

- Moussaoui was learning how to operate a 747 with only 50 hours of flight training behind him. Normally, the school taught pilots with 500-600 hours of flying time behind them, mostly of whom were commercial pilots training so they could be paid more at their airline jobs.

- Wanting to learn more about Moussaoui before teaching him further, the instructor asked him if he was Muslim, to which Moussaoui yelled, "I am nothing!" Note, that in this post-9/11 world this seems much more menacing that it would at the time, so to note the strangeness of this answer in a pre-9/11 world makes this man all the more a hero.

- To keep Moussaoui engaged in his lessons while his bosses finally consented to bring in the FBI, the instructor let him sit on other students' flight simulations but did not allow him to do his own.

The man noted in Moussaoui's trial that while he thought Moussaoui strange, he did just want to make sure that he wasn't training a hijacker. Obviously, he could not have known what kind of hijacker Moussauoi was training to be, but by simply listening to his gut, only God knows how many additional lives this man saved. It is believed Moussaoui planned to highjack a JFK-bound plane from Heathrow airport.

The Onion: Bill Clinton Running for President!

2008-01-23T12:05:00.002-05:00

The Onion - which prints fake news - ran this hilarious "article" today on Bill Clinton's "announcement" that he is running for President. If only! I'm currently reading Volume 1 "The Early Years," of his autobiography, "My Life," and it's pretty astounding. He accomplished such ridiculous amounts by the time he was my age, half the time that I am reading it, I feel like the stupidest person in the world. The other half I feel like I should just slit my wrists, cause clearly I'm not contributing to society in any meaningful way, nor will I probably ever. (Unless I live up to my 2008 New Year's resolution in a post to follow later today.)

Anyways, check it out here. It's hysterical. http://www.theonion.com/content/news/bill_clinton_screw_it_im_running

2008: Don't Settle

2008-01-23T11:50:00.000-05:00

Some of you noticed that I took down my super-mushy post about 2007. Or at least, I deemed it mushy and took it down. It matters not, because 2007 is now firmly behind me and I've taken the necessary steps to live up to my 2008 New Year's resolution, which is solely, "Don't Settle."

In the past I have made lists upon lists of things I would do in a given year - learn Italian, read 50 books, read 80 books, travel, call people more often, yada yada yada.

The only thing that ever got me was a June reality check that I had six months left to do everything I said I would do, which at that point, was impossible.

So starting in November of 2007, I started to think about what a good main goal would be for 2008 and I settled on the idea of not settling at all. For anything. Too often in 2007, I felt that I was letting too many good things pass me by. I realized that I had sometimes given up my own sanity and well-being for causes that weren't worthy. I wasn't doing anything creatively that could fulfill my need to have a better work/life balance. I didn't say what I felt, when I felt it. So many other things I could mention but I think you get the point.

That's not to say the year wasn't without it's highlights - I fulfilled a lifelong dream of going to Greece. I met and fell for an amazing guy that has become my best friend and continues to be the highlight of every day. I moved into an apartment solo, fulfilling a promise to myself to try this before life carried me in another direction. It was definitely a year of change. But that change didn't come without some serious emotional and psychological consequences. Maybe it's something I had to live through to come out better on the other side. In any case, it's not something I care to repeat.

So...with that said, I'm happy to announce that the first action I took in 2008 was to take the first steps in testing the waters of a new career - writing.

Starting in February, I will be cutting back on my current job to part-time and starting to write for a magazine's Web site 2 days a week. As more information on this can be told, I will tell it. But I feel like I'm sticking my toes in water - will it be hot or will it be cold? I'll find out and maybe, just maybe, I can start to create the opportunities that will allow me to have the life I've wanted to lead for so long.

I think life is too short to wake up and wish the day was done. I'm tired of living for 6 p.m. And this is the first step to not doing that anymore.

Yeahhhh, Police Talk

2008-01-15T16:30:00.000-05:00

Finally, police talk that sounds like what police talk should sound like! Responding to a quadruple-murder that needs solving, the sheriff of Indianapolis says to the suspects via the news media:

"There's a special place in hell for you, and we're going to see that you get there," Anderson said. "I've been working with the mayor and everyone else. We'll work together. We've got a team and we're going to find you. We're going to put you in the dog cage that you belong."

I feel like you just don't hear this kind of talk anymore. I wouldn't want to be on this guy's bad side! The only thing that would have made these sentences any better is the word, "motherfu**er," but alas, he was on TV.

Coincidence?

2008-01-15T11:50:00.000-05:00

Ahead of Steve Jobs' highly-anticipated keynote speech today at the MacWorld Expo, I just got an email from Netflix saying as part of my subscription, I can now enjoy unlimited movie rentals on my PC. There has been speculation that Jobs is expected to announce a movie rental plan through iTunes.

Coincidence?

Sidenote: How f*ing nerdy am I to know this? Or worse, piece it together?

My dearest CNN

2008-01-14T17:18:00.000-05:00

I can't believe even CNN is covering Britney's trial today. Is this news really that big? Does anyone really believe this girl SHOULD show up to court? In not showing up, she relinquishes her rights to custody of her children until at least April. Does anyone believe that she should have custody before then? The girl has serious issues that need to be straightened out before any child, hers or otherwise, is entrusted in her care.

Regardless, I'm just am kinda boggled that CNN is there. I mean, CNN???

Did I Predict Alex Trebek's Heart Attack?

2008-01-09T17:27:00.001-05:00

Remember a few months ago when Alex Trebek had a heart attack? I kept my joy at this fortunate turn of events secret. I was just looking back at former posts and found this gem from October 2006. Turns out, I put it into the universe that I wanted Alex Trebek to up and die. I almost got my wish!

Alex Trebek
No one person on Earth inspires such hatred in me as Alex Trebek, though I continue to watch Jeopardy, but only to test my own knowledge. If he had a massive heart attack and died right during a Daily Double, I’d stand up and cheer. I hate the way he has to pretend like he knows all the accents when the answer involved another language b/c A.) He does not know all the accents and B.) He sucks at accents. I also hate the way he pretends like he knew the answer when someone answers incorrectly. He’s so condescending, like “Nooooo Mary, I’m sorry. The correct answer is, “What is Mount Kilomanjaro?” Then he always repeats with a useless fact, just to “impress” us, like “Mount Kilomanjaro, located in the Iberian Peninsula, lovely place.” F*** YOU ALEX!! Like everyone at home doesn’t know you have the f*ing answer on a computer screen in front of you! And no one cares what you think of the Iberian Peninsula. God I hate him!

Anyways, last night, the first round opens and Alex actually says, “Get ‘er done.” I was like what the f***??? Did Alex just say Get ‘er done??? Now we’re supposed to think he’s hip AND smart??? Can’t you just die already Alex? Die!

Hooray!

2008-01-09T10:17:00.001-05:00

Hillary Clinton came away victorious in yesterday's New Hampshire primary putting her one step closer to the WH! I must be honest, though my love of Hillary Clinton knows no bounds, I would be just as happy with Barack Obama. We MUST have a democratic president elected in 2008.

But can you imagine - Madame President?! My mom reminded me that roughly 22 years ago I promised her I would be first female president of the United States, though I was also simultaneously promising to be first female major leaguer, but in any case...yes! Am I right, ladies?

Sarcastic Voice: New Yorkers are So Wacky!

2008-01-08T13:57:00.001-05:00

The fact that he works for The Colbert Report only makes sense. New Yorkers are so crazy, right? What the story doesn't explain is where he sleeps after the store closes at midnight or where he goes on Sundays...which, to me, means that if he is not sleeping overnight at the store, then he is technically not living there. Unless I'm missing something...

In any case, check out the hilarious hijinks below!

PS - I'm feeling real sarcastic today!

Comedian is living in an Ikea store

PARAMUS, New Jersey (AP) -- When Mark Malkoff thought about where he could stay while his New York City apartment was being fumigated for cockroaches, he quickly ruled out friends' places (too small) and hotels (too expensive).

Mark Malkoff sits on a display bed in a showroom at the Ikea store in Paramus, New Jersey.

Instead, the comedian and filmmaker decided to move into an Ikea store in suburban New Jersey, where on Monday he unloaded two suitcases into a spacious bedroom at the store.

At night when the store is closed, he says he'll play laser tag with security guards and even plans to host a housewarming party.

"The fact that Ikea is letting me do this is mind-boggling," said Malkoff, lounging on a bed in his new room. "There's no way I'm going back. I love this way too much." Video Comedian gives tour of his new digs »

Malkoff, who works for Comedy Central's "The Colbert Report" as a ticket handler, is allowed to stay until Ikea closes at about midnight on Saturday; the store, famous for its low-cost do-it-yourself furniture, is closed on Sundays.

Malkoff, 31, is known for his 2007 video "171 Starbucks" which documents his visits to all of the coffee chain's Manhattan stores in a single day.

Deputy store manager Julie Mott said Malkoff contacted the store about three weeks ago and presented a proposal to move in.

"We thought it would be a lot of fun and interesting," Mott said. "We're not really sure what this week holds."

He is being followed by a camera crew documenting his stay for a video, which will be shown on his Web site.

But despite the hospitality, Malkoff did find a few problems: The sinks don't work, and neither does the toilet, refrigerator, flat-screen television or the washer and dryer.

"Is anything real in this place?" he asked.

He must shower in the staff locker room and will have access to the staff cafeteria to cook his own meals, if he chooses, Mott said.

However, the Ikea display does offer more spacious living than his two-bedroom Queens apartment.

"I feel like I'm on the set of 'Friends,"' he said, adding that he has met a few new faux friends -- customers who wandered into his new apartment.
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His wife of 2 1/2 years, Christine, isn't as thrilled with his new digs and has instead opted to stay with relatives in upstate New York.

"For some reason," he said, "she doesn't want to live in a store."

Back!

2008-01-04T16:47:00.000-05:00

Happy 2008! I'm back...and hoping to post more than I got to in 07.

First things first, Trainwreck Spears in the hospital under suicide watch. I feel very sorry for Britney because there is clearly no one in her life that cares about her. Her mother's response - "just say prayers."

I am so sick of people hiding behind religious statements like these. If one daughter is in the hospital under suicide watch and the other is knocked up at 16, I'm going to go ahead and guess that prayer is no longer working for you. Or as GC mentioned, God stopped helping the Spears family some time ago. Maybe you should stop living off your kids' money and actually parent them. Stupid a-holes are what's making me mad in 2008.

Jamie-Lynn Spears Pregnant

2007-12-19T09:52:00.000-05:00

...and somewhere Dina Lohan slept well last night.

The dramz...I love it!

Tebow for Heisman!

2007-12-07T17:10:00.000-05:00

The ceremony is Saturday night. Pray for Tebow! The greatest athlete in all of sports! And the universe!

Absolute die of happiness!!!

2007-12-06T19:54:00.000-05:00

The Sex and the City Movie trailer!

http://movies.aol.com/movie/sex-and-the-city-2008/30247/video/trailer-no-1/2033774

Project Runway

2007-12-04T10:22:00.000-05:00

I'd be remiss if I didn't mention that Project Runway is back in full effect! And goddamit this is a good show. With guests like SJP and Tiki Barber already having been on I can't wait to see what is on tap the rest of the season.

So far, my front runners, in no particular order are Christian (fierce!), Rami (elegant!) and Jack (lovable! gay! talented!) and Kit (cute! fun! fresh!) I just get so happy over this show I can't help but use one million exclamation points.

Last week, I tried to do my realtime thoughts on it, but 4 p.m. darkness makes me too tired to do much but watch and cheer.

And this season, I am making a solemn vow that I am using every connection I have to get myself into the finale at Bryant Park. What sucks is that the last three seasons it would have been a simple phone call but I was out of town. This year may be harder, but come hell or high water, I'm going to give it my best shot.

See you soon Tim Gunn!!!!

The Couple That Goes on TV Together...

2007-12-03T16:25:00.000-05:00

...stays together? That is not my motto - am I right Jessica Simpson? - but it is kind of fun. This morning, GC and I volunteered to be a part of a segment we put together for one of my clients on the local CW channel. We had to be up at 5:15 a.m. but it was worth it - a good time was had by all. Check out GC and I getting our blood flowing, way too early this a.m., live on TV here in NYC.

http://cw11.trb.com/news/local/morningnews/?track=nav

Updates

2007-11-30T12:17:00.000-05:00

I received my warning email from Kaplan - I'm back on the blogging train. For a number of reasons. Here goes:

1.) Perhaps most exciting is that I just added the internet to my phone. Yes I know I am 25 years behind in this, but it now means I can blog on the go. Now that I live in Queens and get cell phone service on the subway. Holla!

2.) Thanksgiving was busy. I flew home, spent a few days in Boca where I caught up with the must-sees - Jesse, Lucy, Sister, Parents, Gilad - then drove up to Tampa where I met GC's mom (and dad) and finally saw all the things I've heard so much about including Saddlebrook, Tampa Lanes, Del Mabrey, Rich & Kristy's dachsunds and Max's House. It was amazing and relaxing and I loved it. Can't wait to go back for Christmas!

3.) Work has been insane! But going well.

4.) I'm going to see the Wu-Tang Clan in January. Die of excitement!

5.) Project Runway is back! I heart Christian! He's the funniest because he's so damn high on himself. But he can back it up. I also love Jack, Kit and Rami. So far, it's been an AWESOME start to my favorite show. And this year, I am SO getting myself to the finale under the tents in Bryant Park! I am always out of town, but this year, it's happening.

6.) I'm addicted to Scrabulous on Facebook. Please challenge me in a game if you are bored! Or love it too.

7.) I love living by myself. I just have to get plugging in terms of decorating. So many ideas, so little time. So little money.

8.) I want a kitten. But don't think I'm home enough. Still thinking about it.

9.) Doing New Year's in New York and GC is having a major party. E-vite coming soon but mark your calendars!

I think that is all for now. I am so behind on posting pictures and what not, will get that done when I can.

Pick Pickler!

2007-11-08T21:46:00.000-05:00

I loved Kellie Pickler on American Idol and I'm so glad she is doing well in country music. She's too cute and her voice is amazing. I thought her performance last night at the CMA's was amazing...and showcased a side of her we haven't really seen. I think she's going to make a good country music artist. Poor thing - she hasn't had it easy but she's doing good for herself.

Something Not to Do on Halloween

2007-11-03T12:50:00.001-04:00

So...on Halloween I made what just may be the cardinal sin of complimenting someone on their costume. And that is - make sure they are in a costume.

I was out with GC, his roommate and a bunch of her friends. Those friends were then joined by other friends.

One of those boys sat down at our table and I stared at him for a few moments taking in what I saw. Long hair, swept across the forehead to one side. Polo shirt. Khakis. And then it hit me, and I said, "OHHH! Are you Zac Efron???"

He looked at me blankly and then replied, not so nicely, "Ummmm....nooo. I'm just me." As in "Um, no" period. "I'm just me." Period.

I turned away in horror as GC's roommate and her friend began to literally crow with laughter. And I felt HORRIBLE. I was so embarrassed. But only for a few minutes because I looked again and if this guy was indeed trying to be "just himself," then he was doing an awfully good job of also looking "just like Zac Efron."

See photo evidence here on why I am RIGHT.

For all my Lexapro peeps! Or those thinking about it.

2007-10-23T12:47:00.000-04:00

Once again, O, the Oprah Magazine, is here to help.

I saw the following article which can help everyone prone to a freakout every day. What I wish the author did a little bit better is go into chronic anxiety - imagine what the author describes as a snafu or a fubar, but every day, over every little thing - this is how I felt before I finally took control and got on a pill.

It's not something I hope to take forever - but during this crazy time that seems to be called "My Twenties" it is helping me slow down and figure things out in a normal, healthy way. Freaking out to the point of tears, not sleeping, waking up groggy and nervous and constantly trying to calm and talk myself down - was not working and taking a toll on my quality of life. So I encourage you to read this article and take its advice, but if you find yourself constantly working to maintain some level of sanity, make an appointment with your doctor to explore your options.

(Oprah.com) -- The military has given the English language two words that brilliantly articulate different types of crises: The first is snafu, an acronym for "situation normal, all f***ed up." The second is fubar, which stands for "f***ed up beyond all recognition." As we travel the bumpy road of life, we must prepare to deal with both.

Fubar situations are huge disasters, the kind that come with an implicit "get out of normal obligations free" card and often require a rethinking of where your future is headed.

Smaller snafu crises -- the broken toe, the stolen wallet, the babysitter quitting on short notice -- can be incredibly disruptive, but usually they're not life changing; they're more likely month changing or 10-weeks-of-Vicodin disruptive.

But a short-term crisis is still a crisis, so here's how to weather your next snafu:

Go ahead and freak out

One fine day in 2006, a wild deer wandered into a Target store in West Des Moines. He skidded around like Bambi on ice for 20 minutes, until employees herded him through the automatic doors to freedom.

On surveillance videos, the deer is wearing an expression I've seen on many human faces during minor crises -- a look that says, "I feel fine, but what the ... ?"

I mention this because there's one way in which deer handle crises better than humans -- at least according to "Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma" author Peter Levine, Ph.D., who holds two doctorates, one in psychology, one in medical and biological physics. Early in his research, Levine noticed that when animals are traumatized -- even a little bit -- they react by trembling, running, kicking, and thrashing around, which is what that deer did.

Meanwhile, human Target shoppers reacted with stiffness and consternation, because we generally try to subdue physical "emergency" reactions.

After falling down stairs or arguing with a co-worker, we make every effort to keep our eyes, voices, and hands steady, determined to show through our physical motionlessness that we're in complete control of our bodies, moods, and lives (no matter how many Xanax this requires).

Levine noted that people who have physical emergency reactions often cope better with crisis, and show fewer symptoms of trauma afterward, than people who hold still. Stress compels action; in snafu situations, Mother Nature gives just one instruction to all her children, and that instruction is, "Move!"

When the unexpected strikes, find a private space and let your body do whatever it wants. Heave, kick, shake your head like a wet cat. Then let that energy flow into constructive action, whether it's contesting a credit card charge, yanking cactus spines out of your child, or slapping duct tape on a broken pipe.

I got a chance to test this advice when one of my car tires blew out. After regaining control of the fishtailing vehicle, then coaxing it over to the freeway shoulder, I went a little crazy, shuddering and shouting incoherently for about 10 seconds.

Sure enough, this seemed to open up a channel to calm. Feeling very alert, I got out and changed that tire with my own profoundly nonmechanical hands. I drove away feeling so empowered, so conscious of life's fragility, that even the disruption of my schedule hardly bothered me. I do believe letting myself have those initial 10 seconds of physical freak-out cleared my mind and body for positive action. Thank you, Dr. Levine.

Release your expectations

Not all problems are this quickly resolved. My flat tire rearranged my day, but you may have a disaster that lingers for weeks or months, such as your brother-in-law. The situation, whatever or whoever it is, will eventually be resolved, but in the meantime it requires accommodation.

Realizing this is like being turned upside down. We hear our plans falling out of our pockets and smashing into countless questions: "How will I meet my deadline?" "Who'll walk the dogs?" "Can I even tie my shoes with this cast on my arm?" Our knee-jerk reaction is often defiant refusal to let go of expectations: Somehow, we insist, we will stick to our schedule.

I've heard you can trap a monkey by putting a banana in a jar, then punching a hole in the lid just wide enough for the animal's hand -- not wide enough, that is, for the hand plus a banana. The monkey's refusal to release the banana is what keeps it stuck.

This is what happens when we hang on to expectations in the face of crisis, and it can turn a snafu into an utterly fubar situation. Working when you're sick, you end up in the hospital. Rushing tasks after a slowdown, you drop or break or miscalculate something crucial. Pushing yourself beyond emotional limits, you lash out and damage a relationship.

Conversely, learning to let go of expectations is a ticket to peace. It allows us to ride over every crisis -- small or large, brother-in-law or end-of-quarter office lockdown -- like a beach ball on water. The next time a problem arises in your life, take a deep breath, let out a sigh, and replace the thought Oh no! with the thought Okay. If it's hard to sustain this perspective, go immediately to step 3.

Narrow your time aperture

It took me decades to learn how to surrender expectations. I wanted to let go; I just didn't know the procedure. Then a meditation teacher put it in terms I could understand. Imagine, he said, that your life is going badly -- you're underpaid, and you've just discovered that your spouse has started smoking. You go for a walk in the woods, trying to clear your head. Anxiety eats at you: Should you demand a raise? What if your spouse gets lung cancer? Troubling scenarios spin out in your mind. You can't stop worrying.

span style="font-weight:bold;">Then you walk around a rock, and there it is: a bear.

At that moment, it becomes almost magically easy to stop obsessing about your lousy job and your spouse's lungs. You have no trouble surrendering your worries -- in fact, as you sprint back to the safety of your SUV, you let go of verbal thought altogether. You've attained the enviable clarity meditators call one-pointed attention.

This is how you let go of expectations: by giving full attention to the snafu at hand. Forget about finishing your errands and focus on holding this bandage to this cut, right here, right now, until the bleeding stops. Do what is needed with full concentration: Find the spare tire, turn off the water valve, call your therapist. Be here now, and you'll realize there's nowhere else you ever need to be.

Make loosey-goosey plans

As you focus on the present, you'll find the next step arises almost automatically, and then the one after that. Your thought as you run from the bear is to reach the car. Your aim as you press on a wound is to stop the bleeding. Unlike plans made in calmer circumstances, which may be detailed, researched, and rigid, the ones you make when facing snafus should be so loose that they're almost floppy.

One year, when I lived in Cambridge, Massachusetts, I decided to run the Boston marathon. On a snowy afternoon, I took a bus to Wellesley, which lies at the halfway point of the marathon route. The idea was to run home, both training and familiarizing myself with the terrain.

I overlooked only one thing: I have absolutely no sense of direction. After running for an hour, I noticed that Boston was not where I thought it was. After two hours, I was jogging past eerie, deserted factories. After three hours, my world was empty country roads in a pitch-dark blizzard.

Peter Levine would have been proud of the way I eventually freaked out, stomping, kicking, and, yes, using strong language. My tantrum freed me to release my expectations of knocking this off in a few hours and accept that I was well and truly lost. This allowed me to narrow my focus to the immediate situation, and I immediately formulated a plan: Retrace my route by following my own footprints.

It worked for a half hour, until the falling snow obscured my tracks. By then I could hear the rumbling of motors, so my approach changed: Follow the noise. This took me to a freeway, from which I could see a distant glow of city lights. I followed them to downtown Boston, where, switching strategies one last time, I caught the subway home. Staying loose and flexible not only got me through a snafu but proved I could run for six straight hours. After that the marathon was a cakewalk.

The plans that take us out of short-term crises almost always proceed like this. A strategy that works well one moment is useless the next. That's okay. Keep moving. Keep letting go of expectations. Keep your attention on the here and now, and keep adjusting.

And finally, refuse to contemplate the distant future until the snafu is over. Cancel lunch, obsess later about the social fallout. Look in the yellow pages under "flood repair" without wondering how much it will eventually cost to replace your carpet.

The difference between unthinkable disasters and short-term crises is that if you follow these instructions, life snaps back to being surprisingly normal surprisingly quickly. Think what that deer must have felt as he roamed the aisles of Target, wondering why the humans were forcing him toward a wall of glass and metal. Imagine his gratification when he finally triggered the door sensor.

That's the way a minor crisis ends. It's almost anticlimactic: You look up from the one step that has your full attention and realize you're out of the woods. Or, if you're a deer, back in the woods. Back, in any case, to the world you're used to, where snafus are typical and things occasionally get fubar, but where you feel in your DNA that things are exactly as they should be.

California Dreamin'

2007-10-15T22:59:00.000-04:00

So last Thursday I got word that I'd be traveling last minute to LA for business. It's been a good, long while since I traveled for business so I was pumped, in addition to the fact that this business travel actually was going to be fun. We had been planning for months to do an event at the LA Galaxy game and when all was said and done at the end of the day, I got my David Beckham sighting. Is there really any more to tell to this story? Probably not. i saw David Beckham in the flesh. So..yeah, that's really all I have to say about my trip to LA!

I'm also, sadly, still without DVR, tho cable is still very much up and running. The cable guy forgot to bring the converter and so I told him I'd bring it to exchange myself. I'm DYING to see the new shows, specifically the one on WE about the woman who talks to the dead. I need to check out that show. I'm all caught up on Heroes, so that's all good. I also think I'm going to like The Bionic Woman and I discovered John Edwards still shows Crossing Over on Lifetime. Right now, I'm all about sci-fi and cable news channels. Because I'm so cool!

But nothing proved how cool I was like last Thursday night, when finally, three years into my time in NYC, I finally, FINALLY! fell in the subway. And it was a good fall.

I was rushing down to my clients office to grab some things that I'd need for the LA business trip and inexplicably, I wore flip-flops to work even though it was clearly going to rain that day. Not only did I wear flips, but I chose a pair that I've seriously had since junior year of college - a red pair of Old Navy ones that I just can't throw away because they've defied the odds and lasted so long - they deserve to still walk the streets. But not in the rain, because the bottoms are completely smooth.

So I'm doing my best to get down there relatively quickly, carrying a big heavy bag of stuff from the office while simultaneously trying to stay somewhat dry. I started to go down the subway steps when I thought to myself, there is no tread on these sandals, and literally, not 1 second later, I feel my feet slide completely forward in front of me, and I'm going down.

The wierdest part was, I was really not embarrased. I was more annoyed than anything. The subway was flooded, so I fell in a puddle of god knows what water, at least three inches deep. I made a splash as I fell. My hair came out the pontytail, and some guy had to help me up. I got to the bottom of the stairs and realized what had happened. I felt my soaking wet butt and realized that I had finally broke the streak of non-falls. Hopefully it's the last, I'll make sure to bring out my trusty rainboots if I even see a cloud, but I have to admit, it felt kind of nice to finally get this one NYC must-do out of the way.

Gracias, Adj

2007-10-08T08:41:00.001-04:00

The Gators may have lost on Saturday (sigh, and I talked a lot of smack before halftime, which all came back full force by the end of the evening) but I had a great heart-to-heart with one my dear friends here and it really made my weekend. And really, my week.

I've been thinking (probably too much)about the direction of life again and had it not been for GC last Friday night being his usual, rational, calming self, I would have probably come home, drank a bottle of wine on an empty stomach and sulked around the apartment, crying, or worse, wanting to cry but feeling bad that I wanted to.

But then Adrienne and I talked, and I realized, once again, that I'm not alone. That just become some people feel comfortable with this or that aspect of their life, that no one really feels totally complete. Not quite yet. And maybe, for most people, not quite ever - and that is more normal than people who do seem to have it all figured out. I finally realized - people who have it all figured out are the wierdos. And those weirdos...are probably lying anyways.

So with that my mind, and dove headfirst into this crazy week, confident that whatever is going to happen, will..and that I will just roll with the punches (yes, once again I had to remind myself to do this) and deal with it. Because I'm hardly alone.

oh yeahh...f* you wierdos! stop ruining it for the rest of us!

A Little Something to Get You Going

2007-10-01T11:20:00.001-04:00

As we toil away at our less than six-figure (but not for long, hopefully, am I right millionaire-hood?) jobs this a.m., here's a little jumpstart for all the ladies out there:

http://money.cnn.com/galleries/2007/fortune/0709/gallery.women_mostpowerful.fortune/index.html

RIP

2007-09-28T14:16:00.001-04:00

It's a cruel and sad reminder, but always keep your eyes and ears open, report suspicious activity, and never, ever take your friends, family and loved ones for granted:

http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/chi-070928franklin,0,2335283,full.story?coll=chi_tab01_layout

Success!

2007-09-28T11:15:00.000-04:00

This morning, I went into the deli right by my work where I go ever day for my coffee, and the lady knew my order before I gave it. Which by the way, is "large coffee, milk and sugar."

Success!

But Come Back Down to Earth

2007-09-27T13:08:00.000-04:00

I know how lucky I am, see previous post, and I never want to take that for granted. I am beyond sad to read that family members of Nailah Franklin, believe she has been found, dead:

http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/09/27/missing.woman.ap/index.html

And here is another story that broke my heart: http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/09/27/sextape.search.ap/index.html

A Full-Circle Moment, If There Ever Was One

2007-09-27T10:45:00.000-04:00

Like millions of other girls across the world, I hold Sarah Jessica Parker on a very, very high pedestal. I'll probably never be able to separate her from Carrie Bradshaw,and she will forever remain the most ideal New Yorker in my eyes, minus the dramz with Mr. Big because I would have never stuck with him for that long. But I digress.

I also feel a special connection to Carrie, not only because she lived the fictionalized version of the life I want to live in reality (read: successful writer about her own personal adventures, sick apartment, shoe closet to die for), but because I would be lying if I said my move to NYC was in no small way inspired by her. It's not the whole reason I moved, obviously, but I think any girl in their 20s who has moved to New York has done so with the character of Carrie Bradshaw firmly in mind.

On my very first time out to dinner in New York, at a restaurant called Turkish Kitchen, it was like my third day here, I saw her and Matthew Broderick eating out with another couple. To this day, I'm dying to know who the other couple was and how they got to eat with them and I was regulated to sneaking looks at their table by pretending to go to the bathroom. In any case, I was convinced it was an omen. Maybe it was.

Last night, GC and I decided to ride the train home together so we could work on our Tshirt company, we had our first business conference call (Thank you Gina C.!) and he took me around the corner to a movie set.

But not just any movie set. THE SEX AND THE CITY MOVIE SET!

And we stood there and watched Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte and Samantha filming one of their infamous brunch scenes, where it was very clear Miranda was annoyed about something and speaking to Samantha about it, and Carrie was laughing..and GC was hugging me from behind and I had my own apartment to go home too and I swear to God if lightning had struck me dead right where I stood, I would have been OK with it.

It was all very girly, but all I could think of is that if 22-year old Lia could have zoomed into the future and seen this scene, she would have been very happy indeed.

Nailah Franklin

2007-09-25T11:59:00.000-04:00

This story has really struck a chord with me. Perhaps it's because it's a girl around my age, working hard, making her money, having fun....just disappearing without a trace. The main suspect is a man she casually dated, suspected of making threatening phone calls to her, as of late. Her family is begging everyone to keep their eyes and ears open, and to pray for her. Please do so.

Attached, really small, is the most recent article from today's Chicago Tribune. You can look it up here, as well:http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/west/chi-franklin25sep25,0,5348874.story

Moved In...

2007-09-24T14:56:00.000-04:00

So I moved into my new apartment this weekend, and despite some challenges and setbacks (no thanks to you New York City traffic police!), I am in, relatively drama-free. Relatively.

However, it was all worth it. Saturday night, post-move in, we were too exhausted to move, so we fell asleep around 2 a.m. which is pretty much when we finished.

But Sunday night, when the first guests had gone and I just couldn't organize/clean anymore, GC and I sat on the couch, ate dinner and a dessert made of ice cream and coffee liqueur and eventually fell asleep watching TV.

I couldn't have asked for anything better.

I am Happy and Life is Good

2007-09-20T14:20:00.001-04:00

It's been a little hectic post-family cruise trying to find the time to blog about it, because I've been gearing up for crossing another goal off my life's checklist - finding my own apartment and living alone.

I'm beyond excited to move to Astoria this weekend, with help from the best boyfriend in the world and one of my best friends in the world. It makes me feel good to know that I'm moving into my own space, being helped by two people who have shaped me so much. I know it sounds corny, but it jsut all seems to make sense.

In fact, life is making pretty good sense right now period!

So stay tuned for more, and more interesting stories from the cruise but probably next week when I have time to do it from my couch in my new living room bit**es!

Yay!

2007-09-18T00:05:00.001-04:00

I'm back from the family cruise, having, literally, slept my way around the Carribbean. I rose only to get to the bathroom, eat, see a show (even participating in one...I got hypnotized!) and socialize with my family. I was awake, tops, 9-10 hours a day for 7 days straight. It was glorious.

So I got back to NYC today determined to find an apartment and sure enough, I found the PERFECT! one today and I took it. I'm so BEYOND EXCITED. For the first time, I have my own place and it's awesome.

More to come, I'm getting back into the swing..but rest assured there are plenty of drunken stories of my family, dramz, me getting hypnotized into thinking I won 2.2 million dollars...and so on.

In addition, before I left I hugn out with Producer Laura, Hal Sparks, a member of Twisted Sister, and others at Caroline's comedy club. Quite surreal. Quite fun.

Family Cruise - The Prequel

2007-09-09T10:17:00.000-04:00

We haven't even gotten to the boat, the drinking and hilarity have already commenced.

I met my family in The Brew House of Newark Liberty International Airport where they were already at the bar, ordering round numero uno at 1 p.m. Chuckie, Al, Frankie, Dena, Aunt Shev and Bob wound up having two beers each before we got on the plane. Nancy had two glasses of wine. I had one beer. Tweety had a Diet Coke.

We get on the plane which only has 70 passengers and I immediately lay down across one whole aisle and fall asleep for the rest of the flight.

I awake upon descent to find Aunt Shev and Chuckie (for all those who don't know Shev is Chuckie's mom), speaking in pig latin to one another...from four rows away. The entire family is rip-roaring drunk, having commadeered the back of the plane to chug beers and do shots with one steward who found it all hilarious. He later gave me a dirty look for not being wasted. He slips Chuckie three mini-bottles for the road as we get off.

I should also mention that the sexagenerian crowd on the plane did not like us very much. Maybe it had to do with Chuckie yelling, "Everybody get your hands up!" as the plane began to point down and him and Al rode out the rest of the ride like they were on a roller coaster. He then yelled, "Yeah everybody, we're in Vegas!!!!" Our cruise leaves out of Ft. Lauderdale. No one besides 9 of us seemed to get the joke.

Following the plane ride of fun that I totally missed, we dropped everyone off at their hotels and places they were sleeping and I then made my parents high-tail it to Publix where I got the sub and potato salad I haven't been able to get my hands on for 9 months. I felt like a thirst that had lasted a thousand years had finally been quenched. Florida people will know what I'm talking about. All the rest of you need to learn.

Finally, we all end up talking around the kitchen table like we always do. My dad heads to bed, and then its me, my mom and tweety somehow on the topic of sex change operations. A friend of theirs from back in the day, who met his boyfriend when they were both cross-dressers, now wants a male to female sex change. Problem is the boyfriend had the operation a few years ago and wants him to remain the boy. Tweety and my mom were debating the getting the operation so late in life (the guy is 57), the health problems he'll probably have since he's sick anyways, etc. etc. when my mom says, "Yeah...plus, it must hurt to get your friggin' d*** cut off, too." I'm pretty sure, out of her innocent face, that's the quote to top for the rest of the trip.

Lot's O'Updates

2007-09-07T15:11:00.000-04:00

All's been quiet on the LiaLand front because I have about 10 million different things going. But they are all mildly interesting, so here it goes.

1.) As previously reported, I'm on the hunt for new apartment. This may be the single most horrific undertaking a person can take on in New York City. Never will you meet as many shady, personality-devoid freaks in your life, as you will when you are dealing with NYC brokers. More on this to come, because the stories are so unbelievable, you'd think I was lying, except I've been taking pictures. Oh yes, I've been taking pictures. It also takes up a lot of time. Time I should be blogging with.

2.) I'm leaving tomorrow for the 2nd Annual Family Cruise. 16 family members. 10 rooms. 1 ship. 3 islands. Hilarity to ensue. 3,000 passengers who should be very familiar with us come vacation's end, one week from tomorrow. pictures will be posted.

3.) Tshirt company plan in full swing. GC and I are taking on the industry. and we're going to wrestle it to the ground, beat it senseless. kill it. bring it back to life. and kill it again.

4.) AG has bedbugs.

5.) I went a paltry 9-15 in my first week college football pool.

So that's the short version of life the last week or so. If I can, I'll blog from the cruise, where last year, I heard quotes like the following:

Dad: squealing like a small child: It should be illegal to have this much fun!

Mom (in response to a complaint from someone who didnt want to attend the muster drill): I bet on the Titanic they didn't want to do the muster drill either. Think about that.

New Britney...

2007-08-31T17:22:00.000-04:00

So, we just listened to the new Britney song, "Gimme More," and the three of us here in the office agree...we LOVE it. I mean, I still hate her...but dammmit if that girl can't make some good-ass pop music!

Check out perez if you want to hear for yourself. We prefer the T.I. version!

I Plan to Be Pretentious

2007-08-30T16:40:00.001-04:00

This Saturday, GC and I have plans to attend the US Open. Giancarlo will be wearing a seersucker suit, as this is the only time of year he can do so. I play to coordinate in a similarly Hamptons-like outfit, all white...natch.

I know it's not much, but these are the types of plans that make me happy on a Thursday afternoon, when the weekend is oh so close.

I think smooches would be an appropriate sign-off. Smooches!

Cha-Cha-Changes!

2007-08-24T11:15:00.001-04:00

So..just as I brought the blog back from dead, it turns out some major life changes happened at the same time.

The very long story made very short, is that I’ve come to the decision to try living alone! I think it’s the right time in my life (thank you Lexapro!) and I’m really excited. When I was looking at my first two apartments earlier this week, I was mentally decorating in my head and picking out color schemes – and I realized that I was truly having fun. So that’s how I know it’s okay. Plus, I come from a family of five, I’ve never lived with fewer than 2 other people, and most of the time it has been 3 others…it will be an interesting experiment for myself to come home to a place that is all my own.

So right now I’m looking all over NYC, but also Astoria and the nicer parts of Brooklyn. I’ll definitely get more space and bang for my buck out in the boroughs…which is awesome, but it will be sad to not be a true city girl. It’s so the Sex and the City episode, when Miranda moves to Brooklyn and Carrie is horrified. I totally get it now. The mystique/allure of living in the city is a hard one to pull away from. But then you view an apartment for $1,450 a month that’s 250 square feet and you come right back down to Earth.

Stay tuned – I’m going to start posting the photos of the NYC crapholes that rent for thousands of dollars every month! It’s crazy!

Sad but True

2007-08-16T19:05:00.000-04:00

So the official organization for my profession recently released a list of speakers and panel experts taking part in the upcoming annual convention.

Having been around the block a time or five now, I recognized many of the company presidents and vice presidents lined up to talk.

As I went down the list, my thought process went a little something like this:
- crazy
- ha! What is she doing there
- never sees her kids
- heard she’s a psycho
- I know him, he’s cool
- Yikes! Who would want to work for her
- I did work for her, she’s a nutcase!
- I heard he’s nice

Two things made me sad about that. One, was that it was all true. Second, was that out of the list, I found the men to be the only ones considered sane. I started to wonder why that was. Are new york women especially crazy (yes)…is it the pressure of this industry and the city that makes them that way (probably)…is it trying to balance the demands of a successful professional career with a fulfilling personal life as a female (definitely)…do men have it easier in both those areas (absolutely)…and so on.

I offer no answers. I have no solutions. In ten years time, given that I’m already on anxiety medication now (future post that I haven’t gotten around to yet), who knows what I will be like when there’s a possible kid or two at home. Maybe I’ll be there too. Maybe I won’t. Maybe I’ll live some kind of life in the middle. I don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow, so I’m not going to bother with years down the line…but it was interesting and sad at the same time.

I'm a Video Game Nerd...Who Knew?!

2007-08-14T14:15:00.000-04:00

So, if there is one thing I have learned from dating a video game expert, it’s that I missed the video games of my youth. I forgot just how much I loved Jaws and Tetris, Klax and Super Mario Brothers.

The good news is, I’m obsessed just like I was in second grade! Between Wii and Guitar Hero, it’s hard to keep myself focused sometimes.

But I’ve found a mini, pocket-sized obsession that helps curb the cravings – the Nintendo DS, a portable gaming system that includes a little IQ game I can’t get enough of called Brain Age.

The best part about Brain Age is that when you first take it (5 mini games that test your Memory, Analyze, Compute, Identify and Think skills) you see where you’re strengths lie – for me it was in memorization and computing – which is not surprising if you know me at all. Thinking and Analyzing – not really my thing!

But then you can practice to increase your skills in each category until you learn to be sharper and faster. I’m happy to report that about 3 weeks later, I’m not just about even in all areas – basically I’m an f*ng genius!

But seriously if you want to prevent Alzheimer’s and just get sick of Su Do Ku sometimes, pick up a Nintendo DS. And if you are really serious, get Guitar Hero, because it’s the best game ever made.

No big deal, but our band name is The Eyetalians, and our debut album “Ready…Set…Dago!” should be in stores once I master Free Bird on Medium.

R. Kelly and Transvestites! Not Together

2007-08-13T09:41:00.000-04:00

R. Kelly Should Just Disappear

On my way to work this morning, I saw a number of R. Kelly “Trapped in the Closet” door hangers all over the ground. While I was grateful they were actually on the ground and being walked all over, I couldn’t help but wonder if anyone really cares about R. Kelly’s new video. Does anyone still like R. Kelly? Does anyone think this ridiculous “Trapped in the Closet” series is interesting or anything more than R. Kelly further diving into the deep end? I’m officially adding R. Kelly to my list of “people I don’t give a flying f*** about.”

Friday Night …Transvestites!

After another awesome Death by Roo Roo Show at the UCB, GC and I decided we wanted to play Guitar Hero…again. So we loaded up on some Sparks and beer, just like real rock stars would, at a bodega near the theater.

While inside, we both immediately noticed an attractive, older woman with amazing legs looking through the alcohol section. She was noticeable because she had gray hair and glasses, but was in a silver mini-dress that just screamed LOOK AT ME!

We had already drank two beers each, so we were feeling like we should say something, when her friend came over with a bottle of Voss water and remarked how it would make an excellent dildo. I think the surprise that registered on both our faces was blatant, because silver mini dress looked over at us and said to her friend something about how she had a number of ideas on how she could make that happen.

I don’t remember exactly how we got to talking to her, but we got to talking to Silver Mini Dress who turned out to be SO NICE. She was an in-transition transsexual, named Jasmine, in the process of becoming a woman. She was going to be part of a documentary called “There Are No Mistakes,” and was also working on getting her own talk show. We also discussed her tattoo idea, which would be to inject colored silicon under your skin so that you could push it into different shapes every day, and have a new tattoo whenever you wanted. All of this information came out in approximately 3-4 minutes.

And then we proceeded to play Guitar Hero until 6:30 a.m., me on bass, GC on lead. Improv Comedy, Transvestites and Video Games and a sunrise bed time – perfect Friday night!

The Ten...and McWigger!

2007-08-10T11:23:00.000-04:00

The Ten

I didn’t hear much in the way of previews for this movie, which is a shame because it’s Nick-Cannon hilllllarious (am I right, Chappelle fans?) Before you go watch it in the movie theater, which you should, first check out the trailer at: http://www.apple.com/trailers/thinkfilm/theten/.

If you don’t think that’s funny, then don’t go see the movie. But if you are mildly amused, go see the movie.

But don’t go see the movie if you aren’t willing to do the following:

1.) Make fun of the bible
2.) Laugh at rape jokes
3.) Obsess over how funny Paul Rudd is

If you can do the above, go see the movie.

McWigger Run-In!

I don’t know how he does it…but he always manages to pop up when I’m by myself.

I had no cash this morning, so I had to stop at McWigger’s coffee shop because you can use your debit card there. Of course, the last five times I have gone, I’ve been with someone and he is no where to be found. The very first time I go alone, he’s sitting at the counter talking to Hockey Scout.

I noticed them at the counter, but I decided to pretend to be in a pre-coffee morning daze. However, when adding milk and sugar to my heroin substitute, I caught sight of a dog wearing a rain jacket. I had to look up and check it out further, and while doing so, I made eye contact with Hockey Scout. He waved and I said what’s up, which prompted McWigger to turn around. Deciding to be cordial, I said “What’s going on, long time, no see.” To which he replied, “How have you been?” I replied, “Oh you know, just working. Same old, same old.” And he replied, “Well, it could be worse.”

And then I screamed, “Go FUCK yourself!”

No, just kidding, I didn’t say that. I just said, “Yeah you’re right. See you all later.” And then I left.

All in all, a pleasant exchange. It seems so long ago that I was getting stabbed with my own pen while trying to do the Soduku puzzle in peace and getting change thrown at my head, and let’s not forget getting yelled at in the bank, but I guess it was only a year ago.

For all those who may not be familiar with the McWigger Chronicles, go to the homepage of my blog at www.lialand.blogspot.com, and go back in the archives to this time last year. You’ll be equally horrified and amused.

I'm Back...and Think Obama May Be Behind in the Polls

2007-08-09T18:25:00.000-04:00

(Cue music. “Try Again” by Aaliyah and Timbaland.)

It’s been a long time, I shouldn’ta left you…(left you) … without a dope blog to read to. Read to …Read to Readto….and you get the point.

I’ve taken a long hiatus from blogging. I sit at a computer the better part of 9 hours Monday through Friday. I sent out roughly 75 – 100 professional emails every day (in addition to 10 or so personal, and Gmail chatting)…so you can imagine that the last thing I want to do at the end of every day is go home and type some more.

But…since I find myself writing blogs in my head all the time, I figured I should get back on the horse…whereas the horse is a keyboard…but I’m not physically on the keyboard or anything, but my fingers are. And I’m typing and not actually riding my computer, or anything like that. Just regular typing.

Anywho, the point is, I see and hear too many funny things to not be blogging. Really, I’m doing it for you people! And even though the book is still something I want to write, it’s kind of right now in a holding pattern that I’m hoping will spring to life if I’m blogging again. (I’m still counting on your financial backing, Kaplan.)

So to begin again, I think I’ll start with a story that combines good old New York City racism with the elderly population that lives in my community.

My story begins last Saturday. It was a warm and sunny 125 degrees, and GC and I were in the midst of freeing him from C.U.N.T. (Claudia’s UpperWestSide Neighborhood Territory. Get your minds out of the gutter!) Walking, ever so slowly and delicately in front of us, was a little old East Village woman.

For those of you who may need clarification, old East Village women tend to clothe themselves in house dresses, complete with mis-matched socks AND slippers, handkerchiefs firmly in places on their hair, Eastern European lineage firmly asserted via glaring looks and body posture.

Walking next to her was the typical East Village girl.

For those of you who need clarification on her, she’s about 5’9” and if her hair is brushed, it’s probably somewhat frizzy. Her sunglasses are large and she’s probably wearing the same (or a similar) house dress as the old East Village woman, but she bought hers at a “vintage” store and paid $300 for it. She also probably has on slouchy socks and ankle boots.

So..our cast of characters complete, GC and I walking and talking behind them…when out of nowhere, our characters interact.

The little old woman stops, spins and turns to the hipster, grabs her by the arm and asks, “ARE YOU GOING TO VOTE!?”

The hipster turns, broken out of her iPod/emo revelry says, “What?”

The old woman, looking annoyed, repeats, “I SAID…ARE YOU GOING TO VOTE?”

The hipster replys, “Um, yes I think so.”

The old woman yells, “GOOD! BUT DON’T VOTE FOR THE BLACK ONE!”

I thought GC’s head was going to snap off, the way he threw it back and laughed. It was totally absurd. I should also mention at this time, that the woman was very hunched over, and using a walker.

The hipster, annoyed to have been bothered with such trivial matters as our presidency, moves on without so much as batting an eye. GC, however, not so much.

Without missing a beat, he turns and asks the old woman, “Are you going to vote?”

And she looks at him completely blankly, like she didn’t just ask that question of someone else 10 seconds prior. She says, “Huh?”

And GC says. “Are you going to vote in the next presidential election?”

And her eyes get clear for one second and she exclaims, “Oh yes…!”

And he asks, “Who are you voting for?”

And she proclaims “Hilary Clinton!”

And he says, “Not the other Democrat?”

Her eyes got dark and she said, “No. We need a woman in the White House. The other one seems fresh.”

And then her eyes clouded over once more. And we turned to go. But, the little Eastern European woman is not voting for Barack Obama because he “seems fresh.” I wasn’t sure, but now I can firmly state, that racism is alive and well in the elderly, female Eastern European community of New York City.

Greece is Burning

2007-06-27T17:07:00.000-04:00

I'm back!

Sorry that it's been such a long time sine I posted. I know how bad I suck. I"ve just been super busy at work and to be very honest, I now spend so much time talking and typing on the job that it's the last thing I want to do when I get home.

However, right now I'm on vacation, and I wanted to send an update on Annette's and mine's greece vacation. So far, so good, we're both minimally burned, pretty well tanned and learning that we can sweat from places neither of us even knew were capable of producing sweat(eyelids, elbows, etc.). It's been a pretty steady 90-100 degrees, which is great when you're at the beach...not so much when you have a 40 pound back pack on your back and are trying to buy a phone charger at 12:15 p.m. so you can run back and catch the 12:30 bus to a hotel whose location is not quite clear.

However, that was really the only semi-anxiety-ridden half hour of an otherwise very relaxing week. Our agenda is pretty much sleep, eat gyros, walk to see the sights, take a nap, repeat. In varying order, but that's more or less it.

Except today, we rented a four-wheeler to see Santorini and I drove up and down mountains with (and without) guardrails, leading down to 250 foot drop offs. After my 15-minute get acquainted session with the ATV, I gunned it and now have an ATV on my Christmas list. But seriously, we were able to see the whole island of Santorini and 3 of its 6 or so main beaches. Including Red Beach (red sand) and Perisi (black sand.) That was pretty cool for me since I'm used to Florida white sand. It's sad to both AG and I that this is now what's interesting and not the crazy party scene. Which doesn't exist really in Santorini, but does in Ios, which was our first island stop and will be the subject of an entirely different, future post.

We're here for one more day and then we move onto Naxos, then back to Athens for one night and then I'm back in tha N-Y-C.

Anyways, that's the short version, I'll throw up the longer version on my blog soon, which will include the Athenian hookers, Ios douchebags and the older Greek's men preference for one certain redheaded Cuban that have also been an integral part of this trip.

Whatever Life We Get is Bonus

2007-05-09T14:50:00.000-04:00

After what can only be described as an emotionally insane week, I've finally felt my brain start to rest a bit. Not sure where this all came from, but I guess from time to time, we're all allowed to flip out about where our life is at, where it's going and how to maximize it as best we can.

I think my freak out was due in no small part to the four year anniversary of my college graduation having been on May 3. One of my best friends, who has been in college the entire time since I left, just got her first job and is making a very, very significant amount of money more than I am. Which is frustrating because though her four years have been filled with studying, and I'm not going to say that was easy and stress free, I've spent the last four years working hard, getting stressed and recently realizing that I no longer care to be super successful at what I've chosen to do and now it's time for a chance. Granted, she is going to be a P.A., and so she rightfully should make more money, but it didn't stop me from kind of taking a good look around and saying can I do more? Can I do more without working myself into the ground? And will I be happy? Big questions like these stress me out because they have no answers. But I've finally calmed down.

Yesterday, I was on CNN.com and came across this article. It really just proved the point that though we all have problems, they could always be worse. Maybe I am freaking out over some things, but at least those problems can be solved. Not everyone's can. And at least my problems have to do with the experiences that come from life, and being in love, and working hard and following my dreams. Not everyone gets those chances.

Whatever life we get is bonus

Editor's note: The following post is written by Miles Levin, a young cancer patient profiled on tonight's "360." Miles' personal blog can be read at www.carepages.com, page name "LevinStory."

Through his blog, Miles has talked about cancer and life with tens of thousands of readers around the world.

Looking through my living room window, I suspect being outside would feel wonderful, but I really wouldn't know. As I write this from my bed, my entire body feels saturated in a sticky, toxic nausea, with chemotherapy pumping through my 18-year-old veins. Like Michael Jackson's moonwalk, chemotherapy has this strange way of moving a person another step towards life and death at the same time.

Twenty three months ago, I was diagnosed with stage IV rhabdomyosarcoma, a rare pediatric muscle cancer affecting only 350 children a year. With odds like that, and with a 20 percent chance of survival, I can only deduce two possibilities about the universe: God's plan is evident in every little shifting of the breeze, or it's totally random. I don't see how there could be much middle ground.

I remember my first chemo round, staring at the ceiling and trying not to cry. The agony was stunning. I've long since learned to go ahead and cry. How could this have happened? Yet as with anything that happens, it happens, and then suddenly you find it has happened, and more things keep continuing to happen. Chemotherapy has instilled in me a visceral understanding that all bad things will pass in time ... but that all good things will too.

I set out on a 19-month course of treatment, chronicling the journey on an online blog. Little did I know that my little Web site intended to keep extended family and friends informed would find readers all across the country and even the world, including such countries as Japan, Australia, Germany, Brazil.

My journey became our journey, with treatment finishing last December. For a brief, hopeful month in January, it appeared to have been successful. My scans were clear. But, as is so common with cancer, there were still sub-detectable rogue cells lurking in distant corners of my body. Within weeks, they swarmed forth again and my body was infested once more.

A recurrence of my kind of cancer has been hitherto incurable, although I still cling to a slim ray of hope. But in all likelihood, I am in the last few months of my short life.

Unlike many cancer patients, I don't have much anger. The way I see it, we're not entitled to one breath of air. We did nothing to earn it, so whatever we get is bonus. I might be more than a little disappointed with the hand I've been dealt, but this is what it is. Thinking about what it could be is pointless. It ought to be different, that's for sure, but it ain't. A moment spent moping is a moment wasted.

I accept what is to come, but I cannot rid myself of a deep mourning for all those experiences -- college, marriage, children, grandchildren -- that will probably never be mine to celebrate. What solace I do find is in the knowledge that I have done everything I can to transmute this terribleness into something positive by showing as many people as I can how to endure it with a smile.

I don't believe you can ask for any more, but if I could ask for something, it would be to be able to go outside into the glorious spring air, feeling healthy and blissfully clueless as to how lucky I was for it, if only just for an hour.

Oh and I promise to stop the serious posts soon!

American Idol vs. the American Presidency

2007-04-25T20:38:00.000-04:00

You know I'd have to do some research, and quite frankly I'm just too tired and lazy right now to do it, but I have a feeling that more people voted in last night's American Idol than probably voted in the last presidential election. Anyone care to do the research I don't feel like doing?

If so, I think we figured out how to increase voter turnout in 2008 - bring in Earth Wind and Fire and donate 10 cents from every presidential vote to children in Africa!

Is UF Trying to Kill Me?

2007-04-25T14:05:00.000-04:00

I keep getting these amazing emails reminding me how awesome Gainesville is and how I should return to school. The last thing I need in the middle of a busy work day is a reminder of how responsibility-free and incredibly awesome my college days were. Emails like this do not help! Even if the University of Florida is the greatest academic and sporting institution in the universe!

Dear Lia,

Great things are happening in Gator Country! We're at the top of our game, and we're not just talking about basketball and football! It is the loyalty and commitment of alumni like you that will ensure that we stay there.

Please take this opportunity to watch this dynamic presentation and come back to Florida!

Thank you,

The University of Florida

My Celebrity TV World is Blowing Up!

2007-04-25T09:48:00.000-04:00

Rosie O'Donnell is leaving The View (why can't it be Elizabeth? Unless Rosie is getting her own show. That will be the only way this is acceptable.) Heather Mills was voted off Dancing With the Stars (which I don't watch, but eagerly scan the gossip columns each week hoping for a leg incident, which is sick, but necessary) and for the first time, Idol was Sanjaya free last night! Love it b***tches!

In other news, I am back in the gym so that my five pounds heavier frame can get back down to its fighting weight in time for Greece. In the early morning sunlight the other day, I got a good look love handles and immediately decided enough was enough. So I've cut back on portions (sigh) and started working out again.

And next Thursday, I head off to Las Vegas for a little fun and sun with the fam. Mostly fun. Things are looking up!

UFC - Who Knew?

2007-04-23T20:34:00.000-04:00

So...spring is here and with it, my motivation to get back in the gym and maybe see the abs that had just started to peek through before Christmas came and wreaked its havoc on my routine and waistline.

Today, when I was running on the treadmill, the guy next to me turned on the Ultimate Fighting Championship at the same time that Good Vibrations came into my headphones (compliments of GC and his gift of early 90s dance music). As it turns out, watching huge men kick and punch each other in the face, along with the combination of Marky Mark (followed by Kriss Kross = kick ass!) is just what it takes to make you want to run like 77 miles. Alas, I only ran one because that's my maximum...but goddamit if it wasn't one of the fastest miles ever.

Stephen King is a Genius!

2007-04-20T16:06:00.000-04:00

Stephen King is one of the most fascinating people to me. I once read that he reads, on average, 80 books a year, and his career is obviously to be envied by any wannabe novelist, like myself. One of the things I've come to enjoy about Stephen outside of his own work (of which I'm not a huge fan but can definitely appreciate) is his perspective on the outside world, that he gives in his columns for Entertainment Weekly.

The following is his take on violence in creative writing translating into violence in reality. As someone who would rather write for a living, I did think about the implications of writing something that may be disturbing to someone else. What might happen to the creative process? Stephen King articulates and I agree.

And one of these days, I'll start generating original thought on my blog again. Sigh.

EDITORS' NOTE: In the wake of the Virginia Tech murders and subsequent reports that Cho Seung-Hui had raised alarms in the English department with his writing, we asked novelist and Entertainment Weekly contributing editor Stephen King for his thoughts on the links between the creative process and violence. Where, exactly, does one draw the line between imagination and disturbing expression that should raise red flags?

I've thought about it, of course. Certainly in this sensitized day and age, my own college writing — including a short story called ''Cain Rose Up'' and the novel RAGE — would have raised red flags, and I'm certain someone would have tabbed me as mentally ill because of them, even though I interacted in class, never took pictures of girls' legs with my cell phone (in 1970, WHAT cell phones?), and never signed my work with a ?.

As a teacher, I had one student — I will call him George — who raised red flags galore in my own mind: stories about flaying women alive, dismemberment, and, the capper, ''getting back at THEM.'' George was very quiet, and verbally inarticulate. It was only in his written work that he spewed these relentless scenes of gore and torture. His job was in the University Bookstore, and when I inquired about him once, I was told he was a good worker, but ''quiet.'' I thought, ''Whoa, if some kid is ever gonna blow, it'll be this one.'' He never did. But that was in the days before a gun-totin' serial killer could get top billing on the Nightly News and possibly the covers of national magazines.

For most creative people, the imagination serves as an excretory channel for violence: We visualize what we will never actually do (James Patterson, for instance, a nice man who has all too often worked the street that my old friend George used to work). Cho doesn't strike me as in the least creative, however. Dude was crazy. Dude was, in the memorable phrasing of Nikki Giovanni, ''just mean.'' Essentially there's no story here, except for a paranoid a--hole who went DEFCON-1. He may have been inspired by Columbine, but only because he was too dim to think up such a scenario on his own.

On the whole, I don't think you can pick these guys out based on their work, unless you look for violence unenlivened by any real talent.

Your Problems Are Not That Big

2007-04-17T11:45:00.000-04:00

It's dawned on me today that given yesterday's tragedy at Virgina Tech, my problems are not that big. If my biggest problem is that each morning I have to wake up and go to a job that doesn't stimulate me, like 8 trillion other people in America, then maybe I'm doing okay afterall. I'm not saying its right that the mass of men live their lives in quiet desperation, but sometimes the universe shows you that things are worse. That there are people in this world who need help. That there are bigger things outside of your window if you can stop being concerned with yourself long enough to pay attention.

Reading the transcripts and stories of whats beginning to surface is absolutely heartbreaking. You can't help but put yourself back in your own college classroom, wondering what it would be like if you were taking notes one second, and dropping to the floor in the next wondering what the hell is going on.

What breaks my heart most is that the media is already trying to make a story out of blame. That the cops didn't act fast enough during the first shooting to lock down the campus. Having come from a large university myself, I know for a fact that if a shooting took place in a dorm, at 7:15 a.m. no less, when 95% of students are still asleep, there would have been no way to shut down an entire campus immediately. The second shooting occurred in the 9:30 hour, when 85% of the campus would still be asleep. Further, without knowing any facts of the case in the dorms, there is no reason the police should have shut down the campus.

I remember on 9.11 I was working at the gym, closing it up after it was determined that school would be closed that day, and as late as 2 p.m. students were coming into work out. When I told them the gym was closed because of that morning's attacks, many had no idea what I was talking about. They hadn't turned on the news or signed online that morning. I imagine it was very similar at Virginina Tech. On large campuses, news travels slow. And never underestimate the bubble that most students live in for four years.

In any case, I remain glued to the ongoing coverage and updates and today, find myself, a little less concerned with my own miniscule problems. As we all should.

Hanging on by a thread...

2007-04-16T11:02:00.000-04:00

I think the nor'easter (and I hate that word, I think it should just be northeaster and as a matter of fact, i've been pronouncing it that way out of spite) has finally invaded my brain. Yesterday was lovely when I got to lay in bed all day and watch movies with GC, but the rain is not quite as fun when you have to walk through it to get to work. After GC left, i tried to do my taxes (now filing for an extension), watched the sopranos and entourage and then literally twiddled my thumbs for three hours. I didn't feel like going to sleep. The Sunday night dread of the work week ahead kept me up in an attempt to try and extend the weekend as long as I could. Because it was an amazing weekend. And that's why I was all the more annoyed that the rain finally got to me and started to bring me down. A little bit of rain on the weekend can be nice, as it was during the day. But when it comes down relentlessly, and you can't go outside because of it, that's what you have to draw the line.

It got me thinking about this article I've been trying to begin writing about happiness in your 20s, in the 21st century. The fact that I had Sunday night dread really irked me. I feel like I'm getting too old to feel this way. I'm not saying I'm ever going to wake up on Monday morning going "Hooray! It's time for work!" but must I dread the feeling of waking up in the morning? According to some of the interviews I've been conducting too, I'm not alone. Is it just where I'm at right now? Is this just a fact of life? Isn't there a better way?

I can't wait for the rain to clear up so that my thoughts get cleared up too. I'm at work and I'm not dying...and to think I stayed up until 1 a.m. thinking about it. Crazy.

Best Article on Imus Yet

2007-04-13T10:47:00.000-04:00

Since you can't help but follow the Don Imus story...here is what I think is the best article yet on the matter. Roland Martin consistently puts out some of the best opinion columns and this is no exception. Happy to know that at least one member of the media is not letting Mr. Moral Compass himself, Jesse Jackson, or Media Scandal Ambulance Chaser Extraordinaire Al Sharpton, influence their opinions on this. Though the Don Imus "scandal" is no doubt a long time coming and well, well overdue...this is really the issue, in my opinion, as well.

Roland S. Martin
CNN Contributor

Editor's note: Roland S. Martin is a CNN contributor and a talk-show host for WVON-AM in Chicago.

No one would have thought that when Rosa Parks opted not to give up her seat to a white man in 1956, a dozen years later blacks would have the full right to vote, the ability to eat in hotels and restaurants and see Jim Crow destroyed.

We might look back in a few years and come to realize that the removal of Don Imus from the public airwaves put America on a course that changed the dialogue on what is acceptable to say in public forums.

The downfall of a long, successful and controversial career, on the surface, took eight days. But for Imus, this has actually been 30 years in the making. He has used his sexual and racial schtick to pad his pocketbook. Only this time, he ran up against a group of women who presented such a compelling story, his bosses couldn't ignore the reality of his sexist and racist rant.

Although the National Association of Black Journalists led the fight to oust Imus, there is no doubt that it was that moving news conference by the Rutgers University women's basketball team that cemented the demise of Imus. Vivian Stringer was poised and strong in demanding that America look at the 10 women and see them as the real face of Imus's slurs.

And that is really the issue we must focus on. So many people tried to make this a race issue. But for me, that wasn't the primary point. I never wavered from the attack as one of a sexist. It didn't matter that he was trying to be funny. He insulted a group of women who are already accomplished.

Then again, that happens to women every day.

Sen. Hillary Clinton, a New York Democrat, is smart and talented, but to many, she's nothing but an opportunist. She's called too aggressive, not cute and is slammed regularly. But she should be praised for being a woman who has achieved a lot in her career.

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice is portrayed as a bumbling idiot, but her academic credentials are impeccable. You can disagree with her ideology, but to question her womanhood is silly.

Women all across this country have to play by a different standard. They often make less than men, even when doing the same job; are accused of being too tough when they are the boss; and are treated as sexual objects.

America, we have a problem with sexism. Don't try to make this whole matter about the ridiculous rants made by rappers. I deplore what's in a lot of their music and videos, but hip-hop is only 30 years old. So you mean to tell me that sexism in America only started in 1977?

Now is the time for this nation to undergo a direct examination of the depths of sexism. My media colleagues shouldn't go just for the easy target rap lyrics. That is no doubt a logical next step, but sexism is so much deeper. It is embedded in our churches, synagogues, mosques, schools, Fortune 500 companies and in the political arena. We should target our resources to this issue and raise the consciousness of people, and expose the reality.

Don Imus should not be the period. He can be the comma. Civil rights organizations, media entities, women's groups and others have an opportunity that they can't pass up. We have the chance to seize the moment to begin a conversation -- an in-depth one -- that has the opportunity to redefine America along the lines of race and sex.

I hope and pray that we have the courage to do so.

My iPod Was on Fire!

2007-04-10T08:44:00.000-04:00

Am I the only one who sometimes gauges how good their day will be by the songs that your iPod randomly plays in the a.m.? I only get 7 or 8 songs door-to-door for my commute to work, so I take very heavy stock in the songs that I choose to play.

Today may have been one of my best random shuffles ever! In order, the songs were:

- I've Got Friends in Low Places, Garth Brooks
- Wind It Up, Gwen Stefani
- The Sweet Escape, Gwen Stefani
- Stutter, Joe featuring Mystikal
- Unwritten, Natasha Bedingfield
- Gotta Get Through This, Daniel Bedingfield (and sidenote, does anyone know if they are bro and sis?)
- Take Me Out, Franz Ferdinand
- Lubbock or Leave It, the Dixie Chicks

and had I not arrived at work by this time the next would have been oldie but goodie, Foolish by Ashanti (and sidenote, what the hell ever happened to her?)

Maybe shaping up to be the best day ever!! We shall see.

The Sopranos..the Beginning of the End

2007-04-09T20:29:00.000-04:00

In celebration of one of the greatest TV shows to ever eminate through the airwaves and into my world - the Sopranos - I unintentionally engaged in a day of all things Italian.

Hungover from a very quick, very awful Saturday night, mostly spent over the toilet in my bathroom with only a vague recollection of how I got there...I dedicated my entire Easter Sunday, not to Jesus, as I probably should have, but to Tony, Christopher, Carmela and company.

It began when I noticed that James Gandolfini was the guest on Inside the Actor's Studio. I gave it my full attention, realizing that Gandolfini is a complicated guy with a lot of anger...and pretty much born to play Tony Soprano. After I finished, I noticed Michael Imperioli, whom I recently spotted out in NYC and had to keep from screaming and running over to him, was the guest on Conan O'Brien. So I watched that. Followed by reading on EW.com a review of the 10 best Soprano episodes ever.

When my stomach was well enough to consider food again, it didn't strike me as much coincidence that the only thing I had to eat in my house was manicotti. So I cooked up some pasta, heated up those m'cots...and ate as I watched episode 1.

I was so happy today when the review on EW.com echoed my feelings. I watched the whole episode with my heart in my throat. The writing on The Sopranos is unbelievable. You never know what's foreshadowed, what double meanings lie beneath words and actions. And the sadistic yet sweet nature of Tony makes him one of the all time great characters ever to appear on television. His gentleness with his niece juxtaposed with his fight with Bobby, his order for Bobby to kill for the first time, his taunting of Janice...is amazing.

Even last year's episodes where Tony hovered between life and death and nothing "happened" and everyone complained, I loved those episodes. It's so hard to inject symbolism and meaning into TV, yet David Chase and company do it every time and so seamlessly...mixed with humor and violence...it's freaking amazing.

So anyways, I can barely wait for the next 9 Sundays to come and go so that all of our questions can be answered. Will Tony ever go to jail to pay for his crimes? Will Carmela die? Will AJ go over the edge? Is Christopher out of Tony's good graces forever? Who's the next to get whacked? Where the hell is Pauly Walnuts, I want to see him! So many questions!!!!!!!! I love it!

Best Night Ever....EVER!

2007-04-03T13:46:00.000-04:00

So for the third straight time ... the Florida Gators are the number one team in the country! Back-to-back basketball titles...first time since 1991-92....one national football championship...and the first time one school has held both titles simultaneously. It feels good friends. In the words of BMarten, "damn it feels good to be a gator" a la Office Space.

Props to my girls who arrived at the Gin Mill at 6 on the dot to stake the claim to our viewing area. Props to GC who came out and celebrated even though its not his team, and even though I told him, that "you will never experience this." haha. oops. And big props to one BMoney, who found the game FROM ITALY and then called his friends in America to join in the celebration. That's a true fan right thurr.

Holla!

Back to Back to Back

2007-04-02T15:13:00.000-04:00

If tonight goes as planned, the Florida Gators will win their third national championship since 2006...two back to back national championship basketball titles, with a nice football championship title in the middle. You know what I ate for lunch today? A delicious national championship sandwich.

Reason I am Lazy #456

2007-03-30T14:58:00.000-04:00

I just read a story that an astronaut, currently orbiting IN SPACE, is going to run the Boston Marathon while ORBITING THE EARTH FROM A ROCKETSHIP.

And I can't seem to find the energy to get to the gym after work. Insert sad face here.

Pretentious A-Hole

2007-03-30T10:20:00.000-04:00

'Idol's' Sligh: I wanted to quit earlier

I saw this headline on CNN, immediately rolled my eyes and opened it up to read. I didn't like Chris from moment one past Hollywood week, when Simon criticized him and he shot some kind of weak comeback in his direction. You pretentious a-hole. I will never understand these kids who come into these competitions and say that they "wanted to lose" or "just wanted to see how far I could get." I hate it because the judges send home somewhere around 99,975 people who would slit your throat for your spot. Some who can actually sing, some who really can't...but all who would be GRATEFUL for making it as far you did, and who could probably hold their breath when they sing.

Let me tell Chris something via my small blog that he'll never read. "I'm bringing chubby back" is not that original. You are not that funny and not that unique.

If you love music so much, wouldn't your dream be to have it on your job and not just get on some American Idol tour, that as soon as its over, will send you right back to Butt F***, NC? Idiot.

For all those who care/dont have much to do today: http://www.cnn.com/2007/SHOWBIZ/TV/03/30/americanidol.sligh.ap/index.html

PS- I promise to start blogging about something other than AI soon. Even I'm bored with myself.

You Know How Disillusioned I Am?

2007-03-29T09:57:00.000-04:00

I didn't even watch Idol this week. Not the performances or the judging. (I did save though so I can see Gwen and Akon's performances.)

Yes that's right I got my updates through my cousin (holla! Thanks PM) and Ew.com (thank you Michael Slezak). I even did my pool w/o so much as bothering to look for myself.

I think my point, to myself, was well proven when Sanjaya didn't even make the bottom three. I vacillate on whether he's going to make it to the top 5 or even 2 or not, and I try to decide if that would be hilarious or not.

The only reason I think it would NOT be hilarious is because then the show would be in trouble. Given that Carrie Underwood, Kelly Clarkson and Chris Daughtry are all best sellers/Grammy Artists, clearly the competition can't go on if people are not going to vote for the absolute best.

The only way around it that I think would work is a judge's veto. I saw this on Grease You're the One That I Want, when it happened to be on during my cleaning the other day and I was too lazy to turn it off. The audience votes and the least favorites get put in a bottom four, but then the judges can "save" someone from elimination if they think they've been put there unfairly. That way, someone they think doesn't deserve to be there can get eliminated. Perhaps this could work for Idol as well. Just a thought.

But that does nothing to help this season and my only concern is how Sanjaya will style his hair next. And will Lakisha ever prove she's more than just a really good singer (aka show some originality), if Melinda will ever excite me. I am rooting for Blake I decided.

Sigh.

I Suck

2007-03-28T13:53:00.000-04:00

I know. I suck. Work is crazy. I have a new boyfriend. I was enlightened to the Nintendo Wii and specifically Wii tennis. I have about 45 side projects and activities going on at all times...something has had to give and its been my blog.

However, I have about 22 posts that just need to be edited and finished including:

- My double celeb spotting at the Odeon in Tribeca
- My date with death ...and Chipotle
- My St. Patrick's Day rodeo ride
- A new mouse beat down (hint: I win.)
- Pia's going away
- My growing unrest with American Idol
- My impending head explosion about the return of the Sopranos
- and much more

But I can't write right now. Please don't unbookmark me, the online equivalent of the kiss of death. I'll be back soon, I promise!

Stephanie Edwards Goes Home

2007-03-22T10:12:00.000-04:00

To be honest, I’m not very sad. Good singer, no star quality.

What INFURIATES me is Chris Richardson being in the bottom two. NO WAY AMERICA! COME ON!!!! I MEAN COME ON!!!! He was awesome on Tuesday night.

He wasn’t like Haley who took none of Lulu’s advice and sang the song all long and drawn out.

He wasn’t like Chris Sligh who couldn’t keep his breath.

And God knows he wasn’t Sanjaya, with his fingerless gloves and faux-rockerness. Dear God. I mean I appreciated him coming out of his Michael Jackson Junior shell, but he’s still creepy and bizarre. I hope he wins.

As for that bizarro pig-tailed girl, I think GC said it best:

“Man...that girl is doomed to a life of loving too-pretty boys and/or gay men.”

I'll be Here Come June

2007-03-16T13:33:00.000-04:00

It's official. In just a few short months, June 20 to be exact, me and two friends will be headed off for our party vacation to Greece! Greece has been a dream of mine since 6th grade and after touring Athens for a few days we are going to island hop the isles of Mykonos, Ios and Santorini.

It's kind of hard to wrap my head around since it's hailing here today, and it's three months away, but the flight has been paid for and my a$$ needs to start hitting the gym hardcore to have one iota of a chance of looking decent next to European glamazons.

A Semi-Injustice on Idol

2007-03-15T12:58:00.000-04:00

I'm not entirely sure how Sanjaya skated away with not being voted off yet again, but I at least this time, the person who did go home sucked too. Both Brandon and Sanjaya did the vocal equivalent of getting on their knees and blowing a song on Tuesday, and if it was possible to have both of them leave, that would have been the ideal situation. Whatever. We all know Sanjaya will suck again next week, and I'll wait with baited breath to see if whatever national coalition is rigging his vote tally comes through to save him yet again. What might be ultra-hilarious, is if Sanjaya somehow makes it into the final two or something...although not ideal, given the mediocrity of the season, that might just give us something to enjoy.

AI: The Top 12

2007-03-13T21:44:00.000-04:00

I'm sorry I've been absent. Life has been busy. I've gotten your angry text messages and phone calls, and trust that I've been following and am angry myself.

With that said, let the anger continue.

Brandon: First of all, I hated the way he sang this. I know I can sing this song better, I've heard myself in the shower do it and if I don't say so myself, I'm awesome. Ugh. And did he forget the words at the end? Good god. Go back to behind Xtina. You suck.

Melinda: Though I don't think she has star quality, at least we know we can count on Melinda right now to a.) deliver her song, b.) remember her words and c.) bring her A-game. And now that I've watched her tonight I actually really liked her. I like her cause she wants to win and she gets out there every week and sings. Plus, I own those shoes in red and I know how hard it is to stand in them. Props to her. Melinda kicked ass.

Chris: Hmm he lost the glasses, I'm kind of digging it. But I hope he has contacts in or he might trip and fall. I know I would if I didn't have mine in. With that said, Melinda is a tough act to follow. And he's singing Endless Love, which is maybe the cheesiest song ever. But he's "making it his own" and for that I can give him props. Ummmm, this was alright. It wasn't the worst ever, just not the best ever.

Gina:Hmm she's about halfway through and I'm kind of bored. WHERE ARE THE STARS AMERICAN IDOL? ARE THEY SITTING AT HOME ON THEIR COUCHES BECAUSE YOU SENT THEM HOME AND THEN AMERICA F*ED UP COMPLETELY? Jeez, I don't know. This wasn't bad, just not great.

Sanjaya: OH. JESUS. CHRIST. Did he hot curl his hair? Curling iron? WTF? And this song? From SISTER ACT II, one of my favorite movies ever???? I can't believe we have to watch him and not AJ. I'd even rather watch corny-ass Jared. The backup singers must be dying inside to know this kid gets center stage. He should sacrifice his spot. He didn't even sing. Dear God. Dear God. Dear God. No. No. No. Someone put this poor kid out of his misery.

Haley: Yawn. Yawnnity-yawn-yawn. She forgot the words too. This is the only reason I don't fast forward, lest I miss that kind of stuff. Cause my finger was on the button. This is almost as bad as Sanjaya.

Phil: I really want Phil to do good because I like him and I think he can sing. He looks a little awkward up there ...but at least he sounds alright. The good thing about Phil is that he can turn an okay song good because he can hit the big notes which I guess, in this competition means you are like, the best. I don't know, it's about so much more than singing though. It's like the X factor. Poor Phil doesn't have it. But he can sing good. That's good enough for me right now.

Lakisha: Thank God for Lakisha. That's all I need to say about her.

Blake: This could be interesting. Vamos a ver. This sounds like it could be super awesome from his segment with Diana. Come on Blake. Please. Well his outfit kicks ass, that's good. And at least he is unique and trying. Unlike, ahem, well everyone but like two people. I think he could have done it slightly faster and sang it more and it would have been a bit better. For this one, I'll actually listen to the judges and not fast forward to the next person. *after judges* I could totally be a correspondant on this show.

Stephanie:I like Stephanie too, because she's in it to win it. I like her little attitude. I don't think she's a star either, but at least the girl comes out and sings. I missed her missing the words...oh well. The show is almost over and I can be put out of my misery.

Chris:He is so damn cute, thank goodness. His voice isn't the best but at least he's fun to watch. If he went on tour with JT one day, my head my explode. Anyways, I think Simon will rip this apart because his vocals are thin...and he hides it with the runs...but at least he is entertaining. And he's trying. Hooray Chris.

Jordin:Another one who we can hopefully count on to sing the s*** out the song. She reminds me of Callie from Grey's Anatomy. Anyone? Anyone? I feel like Jordin would be great on Broadway. I'm not sure she's a pop star. And Sara Ramirez (Callie on Grey's Anatomy) won a Tony on Broadway for Spamalot. Coincidence anyone? Coincidence?? Anywho, this was fine. A solid good.

My only thought at the conclusion of this show is that it's just too bad multiple people can't be sent home and we could start the season over or bring back those unfairly ousted. I'm sad. But if Sanjaya doesn't go home tomorrow I will throw my TV out of the window.

AI: Boys Week 3

2007-03-06T22:35:00.000-05:00

I'll be honest, I don't even know if this will be worth my time, but I'm willing to give it a shot.

Here goes nothing....

Oh, but PS, I'm just watching the performances and only listening to Simon. I'm fast forwarding past everything else. I want to watch other quality TV tonight...like Heroes.

Blake: Um Jimmy Walker Blue? What the F*** was that? I might give props to doing a 311 song if 311 was doing it. Where's the singing? Oh my god. Just shoot me now. He sang like half the words wrong and I know b/c I sang that song for like a year straight. Randy liked that? I'm confused. Please Simon bring a dose of reality into this. Oh my god not even you Simon? I'm scared. I'm cold. Confused. I just violated my own rule about not watching the judges.

Sanjaya: Christ did he straighten his hair? And the hula? I would laugh at his wierdness if my heart wasn't breaking at watching my favorite show die a slow and painful death. I would give him props for being better than last week but my hatred is too far gone.

Sundance: I still want to like him but this isn't star quality people. I feel like this is awful karaoke...oh wait cause it is. I think I had a knife nearby earlier. I'm going to go find it so I can slit my wrists.

Chris: My favorite so far in the competition. Please do good. Please. THANK GOD. THANK GOD FOR JT-LOOKING CHRIS! I LOVE HIM. I'm going to listen just to make sure the judges say what they should. Randy, check. Paula, check. Simon...ummm good enough check.

Jared: Ok this kid should stop with the faces a-sap. It's kind of annoying me...almost. And he's just doing a pretty good job with the Stevie song, which is not easy And so many have failed. Ok that was pretty good. Finally, someone steps up to the plate. Finally. And wow, Paula made sense for once and didn't just hurrah someone....wow. Good.

Brandon: Will Brandon bring it tonight? He's got such a good voice he's not using. Doesn't sound like he chose the right song...again. I think this is an odd choice for him and I'm not sure why he wouldn't have chosen a power ballad or something that would tearjerk people into voting for him. I think Brandon is going to find himself back doing background vocals very soon. That was really wierd.

Phil:First off, I'm so glad the stylists on this show are talented and give him a hat b/c he looks funny w/o one. I don't like the key he is starting out in. I think he sounds like a very old Kermit with a sore throat. Now that he's in the chorus it sounds better, and the falsetto is nice. I like that Phil comes out and sings. This was alright. Better than some of the others.

Chris:I'm not sure why I don't like Chris anymore. Maybe because my disillusionment with this show is transferring to everyone on it. Where is that knife from before? I'm kind of bored and my wrist looks way too intact. I feel like I could see this in Second on Second (my fave karaoke place) on any Saturday night. And I'm serious. This is no star. Ugh.

Um alright well I'm totally underwhelmed and I think Sanjaya better be gone, and maybe Brandon. I hope Phil's past performances carries him through.

Ok, I'm watching Heroes now.

AI: Week 2

2007-03-01T22:00:00.000-05:00

So to be honest, I sat here for like two hours, watching the girls week two, feeling pretty bored the whole time. Taking notes for my blog but feeling listless. I didn't think anyone really killed it and I was tired. I didn't watch it last night because I was having the best night ever and didn't have time.

So then I just watched the results show and I give up. I truly just wasted two hours of my life tonight, because it doesn't even matter, America voted AJ home and Sanjaya gets to stay. I just am so disgusted it's ridiculous. I mean I love this show, but the thought of having to watch Sanjaya again, when he really shouldn't be there in the first place, makes me sick. Cause AJ is so good. Whatever. I'm so disgusted right now.

So disgusted in fact that I can't even write about my amazing night last night and just to give you an idea it involved me, my hot date, ninjas and the two biggest celebrity sightings I've ever had. I'm going to bed. I'm depressed. I can't even watch Heroes from Monday.

The Cutest Thing...Ever?

2007-02-28T11:49:00.000-05:00

If this isn't the cutest thing ever...I don't know what is. There is a better post than this coming later today, but I couldn't resist.

http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/asiapcf/02/28/indonesia.tigers.orangutan.ap/index.html

AI: Boys Week 2

2007-02-27T22:31:00.000-05:00

Well, first of all, it's no secret that the boys cannot suck ass tonight. Considering that only two or three look top-12 worthy, they better prove that the AI system of taking six guys and six girls is fair. I mean, it's clearly not fair, but let's just try to get six boys who sound good enough to be there. And we'll deal with how to improve the system in season seven.

Phil: Comes out sounding like Sting...which he'll never be as hot as...however, I really enjoyed him. And, he moved around the stage so that the overall lightbulb staring into the camera effect of his bald head wasn't as obvious. I don't think he completely blew me out of the water, but I'm impressed, and give him a solid 8/10.

Jared: I feel like taking on Marvin Gaye is always hard because of the slow tempo and fact that Marvin is kind of like the deathtrap of taking on Stevie Wonder..you better be better, or you're going to be either ok, or suck. Jared is hot enough, that's for sure and I can tell he's trying out there...and his falsetto is just fine. I don't know if I loved it. 7.5/10.

AJ: Before AJ sings, I'd like to just say that I'm excited for him because I think he was one of the better ones last week after thinking about it. And now that he's opened his mouth, I really like this song so he better not f* it up for me. So far, so good. I wish he really kicked the shit out of the song, but I liked the semi-hip-hop vibe he put in. I think I'm going to give him an 8.25/10. Yes that's right, quarter-point biotches.

(Preview commentary: umm Sanjaya wearing that hat, better make this work or I will be merciless.)

Sanjaya: Not to be insensitive, but can you really be totally affected by someone who died when you were five? I understand spiritual connections and what not, I'm just saying. But I'll save my critique for the performance. Which, um, is boring and awkward. Big surprise. If he is not gone next week I will officially punch my TV so hard that I will hit him in the face despite the fact that we were on opposite coasts. 5/10. No, 4/10. Oh wait, he just talked and made no sense. 3/10. No...let's just go for 2/10. I'd give him 1/10 but I want to save that special score for someone who comes out on stage and has a heart attack and dies...thereby making a true score impossible.

Chris: I did not realize Chris was married. Interesting. I hope Chris doesn't piss me off with arrogance again. Let's see. I'm not crazy about the song, he better turn it out with the quickness. Not happening...(15 seconds go by...)...maybe happening? (10 more seconds go by...)...not happening. I'm bored and I've picked up my tweezers to see if my eyebrows need any work. They do! Good I can zone out now. 6/10. I can't believe the judges liked this.

Nick: I knew he was going to dedicate this to a girl...so we just broke up. It's fine, luckily I have a current object of affection. So far, he sounds pretty good. I like the sound of his voice. Simon is snapping...but did he lose it at the end? I can't tell if that was on purpose or not. That was a bit wierd. 7.75/10.

Blake:
Did we just hear that he is attempting Jamiroquai? Best idea ever? Let's find out. Hmm..this is a bit of an odd choice...I kind of want him to jump on treadmills priorly built into the ground and hop around in a cool way. But he's not. I think this was a valiant effort, but not quiiiiite there. Also gets a 7.75/10.
(As usual agree with Simon. And I'm fast-forwarding through Ryan's argument with Simon b/c I can't deal.)

Brandon: Once again, I'm really hoping Brandon knocks it out because I think he is better than what he showed last week. Very interesting song choice and I like the way he started it out. I actually really liked this, I thought it was understated and simple...and for once that worked. 8.5/10! I agree with the judges that you should go up and there and sing your heart out, but I see where Brandon is coming from too. Hmm...if he doesn't come out and Celine Deon it next week, I'm off the Brandon train.

Chris:He's not really helping the I'm-not-JT cause if that's what he's looking for...but you know that will never be an issue for me. The world could use 25 JT's. It would be a warmer and sunnier place...with no winter, and no war, and every dog would always be as cute as it was as a puppy and babies would grow older slower and...well you get the point. I loved it! This was 9/10!!

Sundance:Sundance seems like a nice guy...and I'd like to root for him. He has a good voice, but that Chris is going to be a tough act to follow. However, I feel like this is a pretty good karaoke and dear god, I'm sounding just like Simon. Where is my job at Rolling Stone? Oh Sundance, I'm so sorry. The judges liked him but I only think I like this 7/10.

So my vote tonight is for the JT-like Chris...by a mile. And goodbye to Sanjaya for sure...and then either Sundance or the other Chris.

Winter Blues Have Got My Ladies Down

2007-02-27T09:25:00.000-05:00

(** Warning...unabashed girly post** )

I don't know what it is about this time of year...whether its the anticipation of summer and the fact that the cold just won't go away. Or the fact that we're all in the throes of our mid-twenties and requisite quarter-life crisis', but every single one of my girlfriends seem to be smack in the middle of a huge depression. I'm just kind of coming out of mine, no small thanks to a huge nervous breakdown following a bad day at work two weeks ago today, resulting in me crying (finally!) to my mom on the street corner, right in front of a huge Starbucks window where everyone inside had a front row seat to my hysterical sobbing. Until I moved it inside because of the cold and just gave them the goods first hand. Good times. And that's not mentioning the cab driver who got to witness it from the onset and received two dollars and two bags of potato chips for his trouble. But that's another story for another time.

No, all my friends feel unfulfilled with their lives and it's tough. On one hand, it's good to know you're not alone...on the other, you just wish it could go away and you could feel normal again. I think, unfortunately, this times not so coincidentally with being able to wear a tank top and flip-flops again, but it also has to do with just pushing through this uncertain time of life and trying to enjoy what's in front of you, while it's there. Cause for the most part, life is good. It's very easy to get caught up in what's not good and focus on that instead.

So, that's why I was very pleased with my iPod this morning when the first song it chose out of the gate was the Dixie Chicks' "Taking the Long Way." Not only may this be the best song ever (sorry Nelly Furtado but Natalie Maines and I have been tight since my high school days), but I also just bought the Dixie Chicks' documentary "Shut Up & Sing" which took all of two seconds to make it into one of my favorite movies of all time. If ever you need to feel better, find inspiration or just need a push to stand up for yourself, watch this movie. I've been thinking about it non-stop since I watched it and it's really helped me stay focused on the positive.

Anyways, for all my girls (and anyone else for that matter) out there who just need a reminder that it's okay to do things your own way, no matter how much longer it may take...Natalie Maines, as always, has got the answer.

My friends from high school
Married their high school boyfriends
Moved into houses in the same ZIP codes
Where their parents live

But I, I could never follow
No I, I could never follow

I hit the highway in a pink RV with stars on the ceiling
Lived like a gypsy
Six strong hands on the steering wheel

I've been a long time gone now
Maybe someday, someday I'm gonna settle down
But I've always found my way somehow

By taking the long way
Taking the long way around
Taking the long way
Taking the long way around

I met the queen of whatever
Drank with the Irish and smoked with the hippies
Moved with the shakers
Wouldn't kiss all the asses that they told me to

No I, I could never follow
No I, I could never follow

It's been two long years now
Since the top of the world came crashing down
And I'm getting' it back on the road now

But I'm taking the long way
Taking the long way around
I'm taking the long way
Taking the long way around
The long
The long way around

Well, I fought with a stranger and I met myself
I opened my mouth and I heard myself
It can get pretty lonely when you show yourself
Guess I could have made it easier on myself

But I, I could never follow
No I, I could never follow

Well, I never seem to do it like anybody else
Maybe someday, someday I'm gonna settle down
If you ever want to find me I can still be found

Taking the long way
Taking the long way around
Taking the long way
Taking the long way around

The Oscars

2007-02-26T13:40:00.000-05:00

My favorite awards show of the year and as usual, watched from start to finish without getting up from the couch unless it was a commercial. And even then, it was only to use the bathroom. First of all, even though it was one of the longest ever, despite what I’ve read from other critics, I was actually entertained 90% of the time. I kind of zoned out on some of the technical awards, and when the president of the academy spoke, and even during the pretentious speech of the fluent-English speaking Italian guy who won the honorary achievement award. I’d google him to share his name, but a.) don’t feel like it and b.) thought he acted like an a-hole so don’t care enough. It’s his Oscar and he can choose to accept it however he wants, but I don’t know…I wasn’t feeling it.

Anyways, I couldn’t help but also feel the normal amount of depression I feel when the Oscars are done, not only because the show that I love so much is over, but also because I’ve just watched 30-40 people who followed their dream get awarded for that ambition at the highest level, while I sit at home on the couch, mulling my own laziness and lack of inspiration to do whatever it is I feel I should be doing, sometimes eating snacks at the same time. This especially hurt watching Jennifer Hudson accept an Oscar at the age of 25…while I, at 26, have nothing to show for my life’s dream except 10 pages of a book that I haven’t looked at since October. One would have thought that would be the inspiration enough to wake up early this morning and get cracking, but instead I snoozed for an hour. But tomorrow is a new day, if I can get into bed before or at 11 p.m. Anything after that, and I’ll probably have to snooze my writing time away. Which p.s., I determined should be during the early morning hours before the tediousness of my day has beat me into submission so that when I get home, the only thing I feel like doing, after I work out, if I work out, is watching mindless television…ironically, oftentimes, featuring other people following their dreams. That would be you American Idol. Sigh.

AI: The Semi-Injustice, Sarah Silverman and a Bday Shout Out

2007-02-24T15:38:00.000-05:00

Because work was quite busy on Friday, I did not have the right amount of time to dedicate to the American Idol results show. Do I agree with who went home? Sure. Clearly none of those people would have made it to the finals. I mean no shoes on national television? Come on. But it wasn't that that bothered me so much. It was a little comment so flippantly said by Ryan....that Sanjaya was in the top 4. I mean COME ON AMERICA. The injustice has been officially foreshadowed. Like I said before, Sanjaya is pretty. Maybe he got the gay vote. Maybe, like my friend Gij said she did, she voted for him because he was Indian, and she is Indian, and maybe a lot of Indians did that...fine I get it. It's just that if he makes it over someone who should really be there, my heart will once again be ripped out of my chest, stomped on, and then put back in my chest....only to be ripped out again and stabbed. That's all I'm saying. This is what American Idol does to me. Every year. And I come back for more...because I love it so. Sigh.

Something else that has grown near and dear in a one-episode amount of time is The Sarah Silverman Program. WATCH THIS NOW. On every level, it's so wrong, politically incorrect, offensive and HILARIOUS. As a matter of fact, no amount of capital letters in the world can so completely describe how awesome this show is. If it disappears from the air (and I'm not saying it will or that it's in danger, I haven't heard that) I will be furious and will officially give up on life. That's how awesome it is. And anyone who reads this is now personally responsible for keeping it on the air. So do your part. Or I'll kill you.

And last but not least, is one person I won't be killing soon, because they have agreed to finance my book (word is bond son), Happy Bday to J.K. (and his twin bro) . I think right behind Aunt C. and Gij, JK is my biggest blog fan, which is awesome. JK is a good example of wierd NYC connections that people make and become friends from, so happy bday.

New Obsession

2007-02-22T13:49:00.000-05:00

Ok, two new obsessions.

1.)I’ve been buying a not-normal amount of food from sidewalk food vendors. I’m talking pretzels, gyros, chicken and rice, corn, nuts, whatever. On one hand, this
is good because my appetite was kind of gone for a while (disturbing to me for a number of reasons, none of which will matter to anyone else) so this means it’s coming back. On the other hand, it probably means I’m going to contract avian bird flu and/or gonorrhea in the very near future.

2.)Amy Winehouse. Even though Perez continues to get on my nerves more often than he does not lately, I will begrudge him this little bit. Because he’s so obsessed with her I downloaded some of her music and it’s really awesome. I personally like Back to Black and Rehab. To make up for the fact that I actually took his suggestion on something, I downloaded “Wait A Minute” by the Pussycat Dolls and put it on full blast while I was in the shower the other day and my roommates weren’t home. Nothing like balancing meaningful music with pointless pop, and singing along in the shower, to even things out.

American Idol: Girls Week 1

2007-02-21T21:08:00.000-05:00

Ryan says strong start to the competition based on last night? Did he not listen to anything or watch the show at all? Ummm no Ryan. You completely obliterate all love I felt toward you and your vest last night. It's going to take the entire length of the next two hours to get me to love you again. I mean, I will. Just not until 10.

Stephanie: Already started better than 10/12 boys from yesterday. Love her confidence and her facial expressions. It's hard to go first because you can forget them so easily. Don't know if she hit the last note all the way, but it's okay because she was more fun to watch than anyone last night. 8/10.

Amy: Singing one of my favorite songs of all time, so I'm already a little nervous. Listening on TV it sounds like she might be singing in the wrong key? I can't tell...it doesn't sound bad, it just sounds a bit wierd. I'm ambivalent. I'm curious what the judges will say. I say 7/10.

(Sidenote: I find myself singing every song as soon as the judges finish speaking and when Ryan pipes up again. I wish for a microphone. Alas, there is none here in my room.)

Leslie: I think she has weird, jerky body movements and I'm not enjoying that hip swinging thing. If she practiced in that mirror she must be somewhat blind. It's not sexy, it looks very awkward and now I'm actually wishing I could either punch her in the face or hold her still by the hips. Plus now she is throwing gang signs, which I should give her props for but physically cannot. She should have just sang like she sang the last note the whole time while standing still. 6/10.

(Agree with Simon who finally addresses her uncomfy posture, and wish Randy and Paula would just let him talk! Ugh! So annoying!)

Sabrina: First off, I'd kill myself if I had that hair, but that is neither here nor there. I like her attitude and she comes out swinging from the start...always a good thing. This was awesome, she maximized her minute and a half the best anyone has so far. Not only that but she acknowledges she had to come out and do something fun, fast and good. Love it, someone who knows what the hell is up. 9/10!

Antonella: The Jersey girl, from Point Pleasant no less. I bet my cousin knows her. But again, neither here nor there. She's kind of awkward on stage and she kept losing what note she should be on...she started off much stronger than she finished. Mmmmm....6/10. Not in love.

Jordin: Another one who came out with attitude and hit it spot on. I loved it! 9/10. I don't think I totally agree with the judges this time around, I think she was much better than they said.

Nicole: I thought the Italian girl would represent but not only is this a bad song, but sometimes attitude does not work on white girls. Like in this case. And her parents should sit down. This was somewhat painful. As in like, my ears are bleeding slightly I think. 6/10 because I need a Q-tip now.

(Sidenote, Rudy I see you grooving with your head down in the boys section. Guess what, you still sucked last night.) I also am officially fast-forwarding once Simon gets his first thought out because I can't take the fighting.

Haley: Hmm, she sounds "a bit pitchy"...and yes, that's right I said it. Eat it haters. I'm kind of bored because I feel like I'm in a pop opera. A sort of bad and boring pop opera. Not that I've been to one of those, but this is what I imagine it to be like. 7.5/10.

Melinda: This was good in the sense that it wasn't bad. She can sing but in the middle I found myself looking at my candle and wondering what would happen if it suddenly lit my wall on fire. Like, what would I do? But she can sing and it was good and the judges will like it...but I just wasn't that interested. 8.5/10 though.

Alaina: Could she be any skinnier? Good for her haha. Anyways, I think some of the earlier girls have proven that in these first rounds you just have to come out swinging right from the top of the song and who sings this song Belinda Carlisle? The Bangles? I don't know. I know she can sing better than this because I've seen her so I give 8/10.

Gina: I really like Gina, not in small part b/c I wish I could pull that off with my hair. This is a good example on how to make a slower song sound really good...I am not bored where as if other people took this on I'd be back looking at my candle. 9/10. Did Randy just call her a big girl tho? F*** him!!! Though now looking at her next to Ryan she is quite tall...but I think I'd be tall next to Ryan, so who knows. But oh there she goes sassing up Simon. Gina...don't do this. Just no.

Lakisha: Oh my god is she trying to do "...and I'm Telling You I'm Not Going?" I'm so scared! (Two minutes later...): Holy crap that was pretty damn amazing. Umm, I actually might cry. 10/10 because I need to go find a tissue. And then Simon zings Gina which makes me love him that much more.

American Idol : Boys Week 1

2007-02-20T22:51:00.000-05:00

First off, Seacrest was rocking the vest. You can always count on Ryan Seacrest to masculine-ize a feminine trend...and that's why we're in love.

Here are my real-time thoughts on each contestant:

Rudy: He was one of those singers who like cut off the word before it was finished. I hate that. He also had this weird look in his eyes. 6/10

Brandon: I had high hopes for Brandon because I really like his voice. I think he'll go through because he got a lot of air time before this week, but I think he has to step up to the plate. He was only ok...though he is mighty cute. 7/10

(Sidenote: the first commercial of the broadcast is for the new Will Ferrell movie "Blades of Glory." I hope the ad guys at the movie know that it was worth every penny they paid for that number one slot b/c I am so there on opening day.)

Sundance: It's gotta be tough with the last name "Head." I hate it. Maybe that's why he calls himself Sundance. I don't know. It doesn't matter. He seems like a nice guy and kind of different. But I didn't love it. Although I liked it more than the judges did. I give him a 8/10.

Paul: I don't remember him at all. I'm not loving the barefoot thing, though Ryan does come along and make it funny. I don't know, kind of forgettable but not horrible. I give him 8/10.

Chris: The JT lookalike, so we're in love already. Move over Ryan, you might have some competition. Anyways, I think I would have liked his a lot more if he didn't bop around quite so much but I give him props for trying to make it look and sound different. 8.5/10.

Nick: I love Nick's back story so I'm already partial to him. He seems so nice and cute. I used to have clients in Taunton, Mass. where he is from. Too bad because maybe we could arrange a meeting one day. But no worries...I thought he did good even if the judges didn't. I think he'll go through adn get better. 8/10.

Blake: I thought he looked like a mad scientist with that white coat in the auditions but I'll put that aside tonight. And the hair must go. But other than that, he used the word exclamation point in his sentence, as I often do, so we're friends and I think he was one of the better people. 8.5/10

Sanjaya: I'll give him this. He's pretty. But jesus christ how boring. I even called that Simon would say that the chorus of the song about the bore, would be used against him. And I was right. I think I fell asleep during this. 6/10.

Chris: I am totally rooting for him because I think he's hilarious. And I loved the song and I thought he did a good job, even if the judges didn't. The only thing I don't love is that he talked back to Simon. You just don't do that during week one...take your criticism and learn from it considering Simon is worth, oh...about a gatrillion dollars. He gets a grudging 9/10.

Jared: First off, totally hot. Love the outfit. I thought he seemed really good, I wish he sang something more uptempo like Cupid, like he did during Hollywood week. But I think he'll get through and come back better. 8/10.

AJ: I thought he was kind of karaoke, and I hope he stops lifting the microphone above his head in week two. But I liked his vibe and give him an 8/10.

Ryan also coins the term compli-diss and I love it. I'm totally incorporating this into my daily vernacular from now on.

Phil: Did anyone else catch Paula pointing Phil toward the right door on his way out of the first audition? I knew it! I knew they were helping some people find the right door. BASTARDS! But I love it. Anyways, face totally toward the camera, Phil reminds me of a lightbulb. With large ears. However, he did sing pretty well, except for the beginning. So...I like him. 8/10.

So, my predictions for who is gone? Rudy and Sanjaya would be my guess. Or my hope at least...overall, I'm a bit disappointed, but I'll chalk it up to first-night nerves...but I am hoping the girls step up to the plate a bit more.

Reminder, Set your DVRs and TiVos...

2007-02-20T15:32:00.000-05:00

For my possible network television debut. The airing of tomorrow's Rachael Ray show, I'm in the front row. Probably looking like an idiot...but on TV nonetheless, and mere steps from Uncle Jesse. Holla!

Things I Love Today

2007-02-16T09:44:00.000-05:00

This week, I've discovered a few new things I love. It's like I'm Oprah, only minus a billion dollars, my own talk show (working on that though), and a diva-licious, holier-than-thou attitude.

Lily Allen - Her new album kicks a$$! The songs are funny, fresh and catchy. The album is called Alright Still..it's been out in some time for London but is just arriving in the US. Check it.

Joe Rogan - A few months ago, I checked out Mind of Mencia for the first time. I thought it was alright. I had no idea that in the comedy world Mencia is known among comics at Menstealia, and he's notorious for jacking other people's jokes and making them his own. Apparently it's so bad that if someone is on stage and notices Mencia come in, they actually stop their act! And the guy has his own show on Comedy Central, which I checked out, and it sucks!

Anyways, Joe Rogan has made it his personal mission the last few years apparently to start calling him out and he's finally made some headway! Mencia tried to confront Rogan on stage at the Comedy Store in LA and wound up getting schooled.

If you go to Joe Rogan's MySpace page, iFilm or Perez Hilton, they all have the video. And it's great. Team Rogan! For you, fear is not a factor.

And on a sadder side note, all the talk of joke stealing finally made me wonder about all the rumors about Dane Cook jacking material. So I went ahead and found the tape of Louis CK bits followed by Dane Cook bits...and they are almost identical. I don't know...I've been on the Dane Train for so long, I hate to hop off, but stealing intellectual property is not cool. Further investigation is called for, but this doesn't look good.

Nelly Furtado - Still.

Scrubs - I fell off watching this show for a bit but have been catching a ton of re-runs lately. So hilarious.

The Dixie Chicks - Their Grammy wins got me listening to their album again and it's so good.

Ok, will add more later, gotta get to work right nizzow.